Thursday, December 3, 2009

TIRED OF FIGHTING

Relationship, love, bliss, and fights. Yes that is what it comes down to sometimes in a cycle...can the fighting end?

Now why do couples fight? Duh because people DO NOT COMMUNICATE PROPERLY! Someone is bottling their emotions, someone is expelling their emotions too much, there is aggression & frustration because someone in the relationship is not satified. Someone has to be right or someone has to be wrong, but that shouldn't be the case.

The issue is lack of listening and compassion for the other person. One person might be really reaching out to their partner, the partner have their own agenda and maybe doesnt see the other person's point of view like they should. The hardest part of a relationship is to continue to UNDERSTAND one another.

Fighting is normal in relationships. Sometimes its neccessary because it gets out a problem that hasn't been solves. But the problem persist if the couple does not come up with a lasting solution. Every problem equals a solution! A solution is not a screaming match. A solution is not ignoring the problem. A solution is COMPROMISING with your partner and listening and doing things so that this same issue doesnt arise again.

Remember its a relationship...and when it is a union it is no longer and just YOU it is about the BOTH OF YOU. Know that you will not always see eye to eye, that isn't the formula of a perfect relationship. The formula for a good, long-lasting relationship is CONSISTENCY and the value that when an issues arised the both of you can SOLVE it together.

Learn: To put the boxing gloves down in your relationship. You dont have to come to blows to get your point across. Work on any problems with a solution and their will be less fighting matches in the future. Dont knock your relationship out!

GET IT TOGETHER SOONER THAN LATER

This is specifically for the men. This is moreso for men over the age of 21. I have news for you and please listen closely: Get it together sooner than later!

This is not a male bashing post at all. Its actually some motivation because I am starting to see that alot of "men" are not motivated and believe that have all the time in the world to get their lives together...but they do not. Yes when you are young you are suppose to be confuse and unaware of what is ahead of you...but when you get to a certain point in your life MEN NEED TO START PLANNING FOR THEIR FUTURE.

This is just an observation of mine, but some men just seem like they are continuing to drag their feet, with no direction, just going where the wind blows and life is literally passing them by. They wake up and do the same routine everyday with not plans for a future for tomorrow. Its like life is just there, and they are just in it. That is truly sad because that is not what life is about!

Goals are made to be accomplished, but there is nothing to accomplished if there are NO GOALS. Plan to succeed...it does not fall in your lap. Stop making excuses for why you can't be a better MAN! A man is strong, confident, and know in order to be ahead of the pack he must PUSH himself to the top and prove himself that he is QUALITY and fit to achieve what he desires.

I am observing a bunch of laziness. I am also obseving that this menality forms in groups so its more likely a man will be less motivated to achieve his highest potential if all of his friends and associations are in the same situation. Living just to survive is NOT living. Live to your HIGHEST POTENTIAL and do not stop until you have recieve the benefits that you believe you truly deserve. Stop thinking that you have plenty of time to get it together in the future, because work workings in the present is YOUR FUTURE. You will wake up several years from now disappointed and your shortcomings because you rather have played with what you wanted and didnt seek after what you needed.

If you put you mind to this way of thinking, then sooner than later you will stop being confused and start being a TRUE MAN.

Please men find yourself sooner than later...

Learn: The struggle of the male to learn to listen to and respect his own intuitive, inner prompting is the greatest challenge of all. His conditioning has been so powerful that it has all but destroyed his ability to be self-aware. - Herb Goldberg

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

PULL THE TRIGGER (ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP)

Disclaimer: Before you read further...I am not talking in the literal sense! This is strictly a metaphorical post so do not go get an actual gun and do something stupid! Read between the lines please...

Ok I know another Rihanna inspired post but this one is a deep one and you can take it how u desire (but again read the disclaimer at the top). So she has a song called "Russian Roulette" and at first I didnt quite understand where she was going with this but now it makes so much sense. People on a regular basis are playing Russian Roulette with their relationships. Its a game...a very dangerous game that can be fatal if it goes too far.

Russian Roulette definition: a stunt in which you spin the cylinder of a revolver that is loaded with only one bullet and then point the muzzle at your head and pull the trigger.

Its a sick, twisted game but this is what people are doing with their relationships everyday. People are dying everyday in their relationships and its not even covered on the news...People are taking a gun with a single bullet and pointing it at their heads hoping their relationship is still safe. One's heart is beating and they are praying that the love is not going to end in this matter. People know its a bad situation, a situation in which if you keep playing long enough the fate is going to be a BAD one.

Its self infliction, its dangerous, it is borderline suicide!! But yet everyone keeps playing! The reasons people keep playing is because obvious its still standing. The bullet in the relationship is always dodged and everything seems to be okay...until its time to play again. Once a person starts to play Russian Roulette again, the pressure is on hoping that once again the bullet will not be released and it will be the last time you with that person again. But what will happen if you do pull that trigger and its ALL OVER??




Is that what you want? Do you want it to be all over secretly...or are you holding on and praying that you will keep dodging this bullet. That you will always be lucky and that this situation will never be FATAL. But it will...and you know it. Think about it...its a bullet in a gun! While that bullet is in that gun...there is a HIGH possiblity this is not going to last. This game will eventually hurt you...and the more you play, the higher the odds will be that things will DESTRUCT and it will not be pretty.

The only way you can save yourself and the relationship now is to change the game. If there is no bullets in the gun..then there is no danger right? Exactly! for the relationship to be healthy and to survive you need to remove all bullets out of a gun. A loaded gun in a relationship is playing Russian Roulette and is a scary gamble. Do you like to scare yourself? Do you like to be in fear with your heart beating out of your chest?! Is that your solution to hold your breath, close your eyes, count, and pray for the best?

If you are gonna do all of that just pull the trigger RIGHT NOW! Just pull it! And when you pull it, pull it in CONFIDENCE and if you make it out of it alive you and your partner needs to remove the bullets and never play this game again! It should be over and move on and play a less fatal game...otherwise be prepared for your ultimate desmised. Remember you've been warned and you did it to YOURSELF if you do not make it.

Learn: If you are playing a game of Russian Roulette know thatyou put yourself in this situation. You can walk away and choose not to play anymore, or you pull the trigger and hope you make it out alive. Make your decision wisely, because this game is FATAL and also remember your the one who gets hurt in the end while your partner watches you suffer.

Rihanna- Russian Roulette (offical video)

WHY GOOD GIRLS GO BAD!!!

Every bad girl was initial a good girl. So what exactly makes a girl girl go bad? Bad people and situations of course!

Most girls grow up like sugar & spice & everything nice. We are precious and sweet and so innocent & angelic. We are suppose to be "pure" and pretty much almost as untouchable as the Virgin Mary herself. We grow up playing with Barbie dolls & dressing up to one day to grow up to be beautiful woman...hopefully Beautiful "Good" Women. But as well get older things can take a left if lead in the wrong path.

So we grow up into adolescence some of the females are still pure and innoncent-like and good girls. We get a little older and might be exposed to bad people or bad situation that might taint the good girl's image. They might try to be a good girl, but then someone show her some "bad" things. Someone might break this "good girl" heart. Someone screwed this good girl too many times!!!! The Good girl also starts to finish last and might want to reconsider being on the "Good Girl List" . Then she goes HARD!
The once sweet, nice, good girl turn bad because someone didnt respect her as a "good girl". The Good girl got ran over and misused. The good girl was ignored while all the BAD GIRL reaped the benefits of what the good girls lacks. She doesn't pain easily, she has a hard exterior and has an attitude that you can't touch her because SHE is in CONTROL! She is tired of playing "nice" and lives life under different rules & standards because she gets a different kind of respect. Rihanna is of course a great example of this no need to go into details...

But when a good girl is gone is she gone forever? Possibly...possibly not. Most good girl do tread bad girl terroritory because they want to feel what it is like on the other side. Is she respected more? Is she more dominate? Is she getting everything she wants? Yes maybe temporarily...

Yes I am not gonna lie, I have a bad girl side sometimes. But I am FOREVER a good girl. Not because I want to portray and sweet and innocent image, but because in my opinion the good girl will finish and the bad girl will not. yes even if we finish LAST we will finish, while the BAD girl will always struggle for temporarily happiness instead of lasting happiness. She will settle for what she think she is in control of...but in reality things are controlling her for self descruction. You can only be "bad" for so long and then of course BAD things are gonna start happening. That is to be expected...just as if you are a good girl, GOOD things will happen.

So yes good girls can be bad, but play it as a role not a solution. It shouldn't be her entire being because in the long-run it really isnt cute. I think guys prefer to wife a good woman than a bad one. They are more trustworthy.

Learn: Good girls have more of a value than a bad girl will ever have. But good girls can be bad sometimes, just as long as it is for a short-term. Good girls will always finish, even if it is last!

Rihanna feat.Jeezy - "Hard"

Friday, November 20, 2009

ARE YOU GETTING TOXIC ADVICE?

Every now and them of course you want to hear advice from people. You want to hear the opinion of someone other than yourself to make sure tha you are doing the right thing or is it YOU with the problem but I think sometimes we might be getting TOXIC ADVICE.

This is a reason why I am a private person. Not because I think I am better than anyone or that my life is just so EXCULSIVE that I do not want people to know my buisness(well I kinda dont) but the main reason is because most people will give you the most negative advice to your situation. I dont care if it is your best friend, your mother or your father some of the closest people can give you the most TOXIC information but sadly enough they do not realize their words are like the Swine Flu.

I am not saying that the people you go to for advice do not care about your best interested because I am sure they do, but I am saying for the most part people give such negative & toxic advise because in reality we live in a TOXIC world and they are probably giving you some advice based some thing from their toxic past. I think most people rather tell you the negative aspect of something rather than the positive aspect of something not really to hurt you, bur so that you dont get you hopes up.

Most people want you to expect the worst of a situation and the advice people give you might be on the negative side to prepare you and to help you not anticipate the disappointment of the outcome of a not so positive situation. But I always think that is so backwards. Why not give someone helpful & positvie advice? If you see someone is bummed about a certain situation that they are clearly trying to seek instead of give the worst solution, give them an uplifting one? Now I know in certain situation a person will need to be brought back to life if they are clearly doing something stupid or they are setting themselves up for failure...but still give them a solution that will be helpful & benefical rather than the one that is gonna keep them being in the same situation months from now or repeating it in the future.

We do seek the people closest to us because we feel we can trust them and open up to people who we believe knows us best. But look at it from this point of view. If you are having a financial problem & seeking advice from someone...do they have GREAT financial stability for offer advice or are the semi-making it like you? Or the most common advice are about relationship so are you asking advice from a single person or a person who's had several messed up relationships themselves, a newly divorced person, or does this person also have dsyfunction in their relationship in which they probably need to take their own advice?

Look at the big picture people! I am no way or shape saying DO NOT take advice from anyone. I am saying be CAUTIOUS! Listen and take things with a grain of salt because you know your situation inside and out and some people only hear the parts (which in most cases are just the negative parts and not even the whole story 360) that you tell them. The best advice is sometimes your own heartfilled advices from within you. We are all born with intuition and feelings that trigger something. When you are around a person do you feel good most of the time when your around them or is it alway something negative? Your spirit knows better than you so you know internally how you feel about a situation whether you distribute the negative of a situation to a person...what is the reality?

Learn: Look within yourself first for the answers. Its is okay to get a second opinion from a close person in your life but your opinion of the situation should be the 1st thing that matters. Follow your gut feeling and truely evaluate the situation from your eyes and not by someone else opinions because they can only hear and not SEE what you see. Figure out what you feel is equivelant to what is real...no one can tell you that but YOURSELF.

SELFISH= SELF HATE

I have come to realize that majority of problems in the world is due to selfishness! People are so focused on ME ME ME and forget that its about WE!

Yuo have issues. Lets hear whats wrong with you. What do you want? What makes you happy? How can you get such and such? And that is all good but along the way on to your "success journey" to getting everything YOU want their are people who do look to you for help. God designed it this way. The test in the world is not how can YOU succeed in life, but how can you help yourself & others to reach a great destination together.

If someone has a problem do you listen or do you tune them out because you have your own issues. But when you have an issue do you reach out to other people to be heard? Do you expect someone to just help you but you can not help others when in need. I know some many people who are the GIVERS...the ones who are always their for friends, family, co-workers, associates and do the right thing to help others--but most people like this never get the same thing in return.

Alot of people reach out for help and its sad that the people who we ask for a helping hand be the main ones just staring with no helpful solution or turn their backs. Now I know its not possible to help everybody in need but when you are capable of helping and it is not going to take away from you to assist someone then you should. Selfishness is always a choice...where the person doesn't see the benefit of helping someone else out. The question in this person head is "What is this going to do for me? What do I get out of doing this?" That is just evil thinking...

I am on a journey in my life (you gonna hear me talk about journeys alot) where I don't like being selfish. Now if it is a financial situation now we might have some problems not because I am selfish but look I really do not have it to give in for myself...can't be selfish to myself now.
Give when you can and do not look for anything in return because when you do it will come back to haunt you when you are in need. You never know the person you helped one day maybe be the person that helps you in the future.

Learn: To not be selfish. You was not born in a world all by yourself & you will definitely not succeed all by yourself. To give is to live!

How Shallow R U? : Butterface vs Butterheart

People are so shallow...you need to answer this question to check your shallowness. I know you heard of the term "butterface" : meaning everything looks good "but her face". But what about someone where everything looks good "but her heart"?

Makes you think now huh? Would you rather be with someone who looks good everywhere face, body, the whole package but their heart is messed up or would you rather date someone who isn't as physically atrractive as you would like as far as looks but their heart was on point "butterface"?

I came up with this "butterheart" ordeal last night before I went to sleep. I do not know why "butterface" was in my head --- but something told me to flip it and go what about a person's heart? I think a lot of people (maybe including myself sometimes) we rather date Mr. or Miss Butterheart instead of Mr. or Miss Butterface. Yes the term "butterface" was a funny childhood joke when your young but the "Butterface" person could be the person who would treat you right and have a great relationship with.

I believe Mr. & Miss Butterheart gets too much credit. Yes they are beautiful on the outside, they are so cute, fine or whatever but when it gets down to serious stuff such as a stable relationship, can you trust them, are they a good person on the inside-- they are not very good with that. Mr. & Miss Butterheart knows they are cute, they use people, they are selfish, they could care less about hurting someone else's feelings, all because their looks have been put on a pedastal for so long that they thinkthey can get away with acting this way.

Mr. & Miss Butterface might be the complete opposite. They don't have to be "ugly" but traditionally I guess their looks arent as "striking" or "modelesque"...probably has a normal look to them or maybe slightly unattractive to some but guess what: They have a HUGE heart. These are the people who yes as a society they may not be qualified to enter a beauty pagent or model in magazine...or they probably do not get hit on often but when you get to know them all of that doesnt matter. Their PERSONALITY shines, and their caring & giving heart makes them a BEAUTIFUL person that comes from the inside...not something that was genetically given to them. People would turn down this person for shallow reasons and rather be with Mr. or Miss Butterheart to heart their heart in the long run.

Now I know you probably wanna know which one do I consider myself as...am I a "butterface" or "butterheart". To be honest with you most people based on the looks department and WITHOUT knowing me would probably place me in the "butterheart" category. I am not trying to be concieted but I'm just being honest but I am definitely not a BUTTERHEART. I guess I can relate to Miss Butterface as far as the qualities (but I am not a butterface LOL). But seriously I think I am a person who is considered by most BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE but I know I am more than just my outside apperance and I am definitely way more BEAUTIFUL on the inside.

I know that sounds cliche but I am telling the truth. I do not live my life for my looks. I am appreciative that others can compliment me on something that I had no control over (Thanks God) but what I do have control over is my HEART and I am proud of that the most. Some people like to get over on their looks...I dont. I look at it like this...I can lose everything today in a freak accident and my looks can diminish but will I have a UGLY face & and UGLY HEART too? Absolutely not!

Take from this post that yes the human species are pre-wired to look for a potential mate based on looks because genetically we are programmed to do so for reproduction, but try to be attracted to someone heart and not just their face...the FACE fades the Heart doesn't.

Learn: Don't date someone who's heart is melted like butter in the microwave..a Butterheart is useless in the longrun. Review someone's soul & heart for it's good intent because dating for shallow reasons only is going to hurt you in the end...Dont date an ugly heart for the sake of a cute face.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

KILLING TIME

Life is all about time. Time tests you and all you can do is be patient and wait...but wait for what? Your blessing.

I am guilty of this I always say I am fighting the battle with impatience and I always want things my way & NOW! We as people get so frustrated because there are thing we want that we do NOT instantly get...thus us being agiated and upset. We are the NOW network and you can have all the money in the world and will still not be able to get what you want because that is not life.

Life is about how long you can wait to get what you desire. I believe life is set up for you to continue to wait until you do recieve what your heart desire in order for us to appreciate it more. We as people can be so unappreciative if we always get what we want as soon as we want it. We take advantage and abuse what is easily given to us and life has a funny way of taking away things so that we can HUMBLE ourselves again and really figure out what we want and if we DESERVE what we desire.

So what do you do in the meantime...Kill time? Kill time doesnt mean WASTE time and be unproductive. It means really look deep at your situation and feel what you want. Do things that might get you closer to your goals and reflect on YOURSELF. Most people issues in this world is either money or relationship problems, but the real problem can be within yourself so do things that will make YOU a better person.

Again stop worry about what you DONT want in your life and worry about what you DO want. Do things that make you happy that passes time but also promotes growth for yourself. While you are killing time and not thinking about what is "missing" in your life the more other opportunties come along for the better.

Dwelling and dwelling on the negative aspect of your situation is only repelling what you want. Doing destructive things is only sabatoging what you want. DO NOT force or do anything prematurely or things that you might regret later for the sake of "killing time". Kill time and have patience that what you truely want and desire is just around the corner waiting for you.

One of my favorite songs by the ORIGINAL Destiny's Child inspired this post.



LEARN: Time is on your side if you let it. Be patient & wait for your beautiful blessing around the corner. Kill time by being positive & do things that will ultimately get you to the place you need to be but it starts from within.

Friday, October 9, 2009

LOVE LETTER TO MY SON

Disclaimer: This little boy is not my son. I am not pregnant, I don't have any kids of my own nor am I planning to have a child in the near future. This is a love letter to my unborn, un-conceived son in which I want to dedicate this to. Enjoy.

Dear Son,

This is your perfectly imperfect mother writing you this letter to let you know some things in hopes it will shed some light on you while you take this incredible journey on this place we call Earth. First and foremost I am writing you this letter before you are born or conceived for a reason.

I am writing you from a young woman's perspective. I am learning as I go along the way in hopes of by the time you read this I am a much strong, wiser, and better person. Life there are so many trials and tribulations, that there are things you cannot even read in book or learn in school to find out. Most of our hardest trials are things we have to go through based on experience, to which is why I am writing this to prepare you early...because there are some things I may not ever be able to teach you-but I hope this message will be instilled in you and give you better guidance along the way.

I want to let you know that I am doing my best to make sure you have everything you need before you even arrive here. I just recently received my Bachelors of Arts Degree and I am hoping to be working in my field very soon to be able to provide and give you a much better life than I had. I hope you never want or need for anything (but letting you know now I will not be making you a "spoiled brat"). I want to make sure you have a great childhood and to not be in a dysfunctional/hostile/uncomfortable environment.

With saying that I am being very cautious of what I do and how I play my cards in life. As I am writing this, you are not here now, but I always think about my future and my legacy to not mess of my foundation because one day you are going to have to carry it. I want our foundation to be strong, so that by the time you are old enough you will be able to keep the tradition going. I am not going to raise you to be in this world to be lost & confused like a lot of men are today. I have no idea what is going on, but I promise you I will make sure that you will not be a "statistic" and that you will have a strong male role model in your life so that you can see your example from the START.

One thing that I am not going to be able to do is raise you to be "a man" because unfortunately I cannot do that. That is something another man is going to have to show you and that man will be YOUR FATHER. There are so many single mothers out there who are raising their son's and teaching them that they are the mother & the father...I am sorry but I cannot do that. That is not my job. God made a man and a woman for a reason. God made it to where it takes a man and a woman to make a child, and it is going to take a man and a woman to raise you. But your father is going to raise you to be a MAN.

I know that your father is going to be a strong man. I will make sure of that. You father is going to be responsible, with a good head on his shoulders, and a leader to make sure that you can look up to him. You will need your father just like I needed mine. Your grandfather is a strong, black man and I am so grateful to have him as my father and I want you to feel the same way about your Dad. You wont ever have to resent your father, because he will be there. I promise my goal is to make sure you grow up in a loving two-parent home, just like me, because that is what you DESERVE.

I want you to grow up a be a "good man". I refuse to raise a "heart breaker". I want you to be a gentleman and to always treat woman with respect. You have aunts, grandmothers, female cousins, and maybe a sister so on my end I am going to make sure you know the rules on how to treat a female. There are men who mother's didn't instill those values, who didn't speak to their son's from a woman's point of view and I will make sure it happens because that is MY JOB. You are going to date one day and go through your own relationship fiascoes like I did, but regardless you will be a respectful to women. We are the ones who have to deliver life into this world and the least you can do is to treat woman like ladies and not like "disposable objects". Be better than that.

You are going to be apart of a strong legacy. You will always be surrounded by family and lots of love. On my side of the family, you will have so many cousins, uncles, aunts, etc...you will always have family around you. We are we close, tight knit, and its not perfect but you will love it. I want to make sure within your immediate family that there are always traditions that you will always remember, as if to almost mimick the Cosby Family(but better).

I want you to feel that you can always come to me or your father for advice. I want you to know what love feels like starting from the home. You are not going to have to run the street seeking the answers because you don't have to. I want you to be one of the fortunate people to say that you were able to grow up with your parents and live the American Dream. I want you to grow up knowing that you had smart, goal-oriented parents that worked hard to get what was necessary so that you grew up happy & well-rounded. I am speaking into existence that you will be a great asset to society, not a problem. You do not have to be Barack Obama to make a difference, you can be better if you wanted to.

I want to raise a strong man. That is you. You will have alot of my qualities and as well as your strong-minded father. You are loved before you were born, before you were given a name, before you were even thought about. Love is knowing that I am doing what I have to do NOW to make sure I can alway put a smile on your face in the FUTURE. I am trying my best even as we speak, I am trying. I made mistakes, and I will probably makes some even raising you but just know that the POWER OF LOVE is the best thing I want to teach you and show you.

I want to make you proud. I want to do the right thing because my actions are your future. I have to remember that. I pray and hope God delievers you in my life when I will be able to manifest these desires before I am able to give them to you. You will be born with love and hopefully by the time you read this that everything I am hoping comes true. I Love You.

Love your perfectly imperect mother,

K.Durham

Thursday, October 8, 2009

SCARED OF LOVE (A CONFESSION)

I have a confession and I will share it will the world now. I am about to pour my heart & speak the truth.I was scared of LOVE and this is a piece of me of I want to get off my chest and admit.

Hell yes I was scared of love. Although I never knew I was scared. It didn't "click" in my mind I was scared of something so beautiful as love. Well here is my lil story:

I always been the type of girl that was "not like these other chicks" meaning I never went looking for a boyfriend, searching for love, pretty much I though I had the mentality of a guy. I was proud of it! I felt like I always had one up on most female because I was resistant to men and them not getting any of my emotions! I would play them before they played me and move on with my happy life. But then the game changed...

I got older and I desired to stop having several guys at my beck and call and just have one commitment. A commitment for me always seemed impossible for me because I felt like I couldn't commit because I didnt want to get "played" but eventually I did. I found someone who really clicked with me and LOVE snuck upon me on an accident...

What I mean by accident is that I thought it would be MY choice when I decided I would fall in love. He would always tell me he loved me and do things and I would be like "okay" or not say nothing because I didnt want to SUBMIT to love just yet. Eventually I did because we were in a commit ed relationship, and looking back on it now I wasn't all the way IN LOVE when I decided I LOVED this person. But I did love him and I LOVE the feeling of LOVE. I because obsessed with it because for the first time in my life I felt free and I didnt have any rules.

Love did a number on me. It had me wide open, in bliss, cloud 9, all of that and I felt invincible. I felt like nothing bad can happen now that I was in love and happy. Being that it was my 1st love I soon learn the harsh reality of what LOVE can be about as well. You know we look at movies and we see all the drama people go through just to obtain it, but you never think about it happening to you until you experience the other EFFECTS of love.

You realize just because someone says they "LOVE" you doesnt mean they will always do "loving" things. Of course in a relationship just because there is love in it doesnt mean it is perfect but I started to feel like LOVE was destructing me. It was taking over my personality and making me CRAZY! Yes I said crazy because the old me was dead and gone (or lost) and I started doing things that I would never in a million years think I would do to SAVE love and not LOSE love in my relationship. Its was scary because I had lost a little of myself not trying to LOSE LOVE.

So when that relationship ended I really didnt want nothing to do with the word LOVE. I was done with it for a second because in my mind LOVE betrayed me and it was evil. It tricked me and made me believe that Love meant happiness but all it did was bring me pain on top of pain and I couldn't stand it! So I just shoved thought in the back of my mind and rejected the idea that I could love again.

I wanted to be the old me again. I wanted to be the free spirited me who didnt give a damn if a dude thought he was going to play me or not because I was STRONG and I played the game better. Only this didnt quite work out for me because I started to date right after I said this and the game switched it up on me. I couldn't play how I wanted to anymore...

See what happened was I dated, and I think subconsciously I did desire love but I blocked. I craved to be rescued from my past failed loved, but I was always in defense mode. And when I really started to date and this person really changed everything because he was the opposite of what I was used to dealing with. When I would reject, he would accept...and I was utterly confused. What the hell is wrong with this dude? Doesn't he understand I go issues?

I did have issue. I had issues because when I am trying to block love and move it in the back of my mind...it was haunting me. It was haunting me in the form of my EX and I couldn't get rid of the love I had for him. I felt like a prisoner or a slave, as if I had shackles on my feet and I wanted to be free but the restraint of my emotions wouldn't let me! I really felt like I would feel like this forever and I hated it because the guy I was dating didn't deserve to date someone like me. How in the hell can I date someone new and my ex was always haunting my thoughts. I so badly wanted to move on, but I felt like a voodoo spell was put on me and I just could'nt mentally let go, even though I want to!

So with the new guy, as patient as he was and as nice as he was I steady blocked. I didn't even consider early in this relationship or even speak of the word LOVE, because in my mind it was another word for HEARTBREAK or FAILURE and I didnt want to feel like that again. So the more it seem like that was the route it seem like it should of went, I sabotaged it because in my mind again I never seen myself loving him because in reality I was SCARED!!!

I couldnt admit it back then, but that is what the hell was wrong with me. I was wanting to move on from my EX but I was SCARED to fall in love with this new guy. I was so scared he was too good to be true, that if I did fall in love with him that that evil word LOVE will trick me to think everything is okay in the beginning and the CYCLE will begin of the HATE I had for LOVE. That it would make me lose myself again after I worked so hard to regain me.

So eventually I did get released from the shackles from my EX, but I never stopped loving him, I just wasnt IN LOVE with him anymore and I was emotionally free and no longer his love slave. I was happy and I was finally ready to see if I can give LOVE a try again. At least to be open with the idea. I think I waited too long.

It doesn't matter because I found out something. I kept saying how I wasn't able to love again I was! I eventually fell in love with the new guy. It was a complete surprise because to be honest I didn't know for the longest time if I was IN LOVE with him. I kept asking myself is this love? Is this how love suppose to feel? It was completely different the second go round because I didnt force myself to be in love...I FELL IN LOVE INVOLUNTARILY. It happened and it was nothing I could do about it because when you are IN LOVE its a "feeling" that I couldn't run away from anymore. My whole goal was to run away from it and it snuck up and CAUGHT ME! I surrendered from that day.

See the issue was I was trying to CONTROL LOVE. It is always about Me, Me, Me and what I wanted and that is not what love was about. I also found out LOVE wasn't the enemy. LOVE isnt doing these bad things to me, love isn't evil...it was the person! The person that I loved actions wasn't out of love so why I sat here and kept BLAMING LOVE for all of these issues and kept running from it...I was sabotaging new love.

I think alot of us run from love because of past hurt and rejection. Love is one of the most beautifulest things we can ever have and experience but if we get hurt in the process of it we can't take it. The process of love can be painful because as humans its a trial and error with life and trying to UNDERSTAND the other person we are in love with. We close our hearts for protection of rejection, but doing that also hurts us too because we are shutting out a piece of happiness. I was rejected with my 1st love and that is what kept me back...

I used to cry about it sometimes because I just couldn't understand why LOVE hated me so much. Now I can appreciate love so much better because I know its not here to hurt me...it is here to show me change. Positive change. Being in love OPENED MY EYES and made me into a better person. All the past pain I went through has helped me LOVE BETTER!!! As crazy as it sounds I am kind of happy I went through the pain because now that I can admit my problems I can solve the issue I had. I surrendered to love and I am not afraid to take a risk to BE LOVED.

Sometimes our 1st love can change the game for others to get close to you. Maybe, like I did you held an undeserving GRUDGE against the wrong person in fear that you would get hurt again. Learn from me and DO know that love is nothing to be scared of. Embrace it if you feel it.

Here is my all time favorite song and the lyrics never meant more to me that it does now. This songs speaks every emotion that I poured my heart & soul into writing one of the realest post I ever wrote.


LOVE- By Musiq Soulchild

Learn: Love is beautiful and even though you been hurt by it in the past, give it another chance. Love is a piece of happiness all of us deserve so do not shut it out of your life or your will miss out. Love is an experience and one of the closest things we will obtain to having heaven on Earth.

THE DO's and DON'Ts of LIFE

Lets make this real simple that people make difficult. Start saying what you DO want and Stop saying what you DON'T want.

Do you ever realize that we as a human race, American culture, always say what we "dont" want or like? I think starting from a child we have been BRAINWASH to always talk about what we
DONT like about something. We always point out the NEGATIVES in life clarifying the dont's we want.

For example as a child your mom discipline you telling you "No...Don't do that!" and you will hear parents all around saying that all day everyday to discipline their children (which is okay) but is their a lot of praise on what we "Do" want the child to do instead? Sorry this isnt a lesson on raising children its just a scenario on how we always emphasize our "donts" in our lives.

So lets change that. I know you probably have been told to not say you "cant" do something...well why dont we just remove the word "DON'T" from our vocabulary? Is that too hard? Yes as a western culture its hard because again we are so full of negativity that focusing on what we can DO is somewhat of a challenge.

But its actually quite simple and easy and I have been taking these steps for the past couple of days to better myself and my life. I hate the word DONT. Instead I speak what I DO want. I speak of what I want clearly and do not focus too much of what I DONT want. I have been taking notes from the movie/book "The Secret" and I believe it. You will continue to attract things in your life that you DONT want because you keep saying it (even though you dont want it) and it comes because you are giving it energy.

Start giving energy to what you want. So you are broke and need more money. Stop saying "I dont like being broke" and start saying "I do want more money. I do want a better job (or a job)." Stop saying "I dont want think kind of man/woman" and start saying "I do want a man/woman who is like this, who does that, etc...". All we have to do is change our language around and life will start to look up...

To be honest saying you DONT want something is unnecessary. What good does it do? Yes it reiterates the negativity you have or DO NOT desire in your life, but WHAT DO YOU WANT INSTEAD?! Is it even clear what you want?

If you are not clear of what you DO want, then you need to DO some soul searching to figure out what is it that you desire. You are the only one who can answer this and once you figure it out, the thing you DO want will be easier for you to have because its understood this is what makes you happy. This is what you want and will accept and everything in your life will be positive because the negativity (DONT) will be removed from your everyday speech.

Learn: What you put your energy into is what you get. Whether you DO want it or you DONT want it that is what is going to manifest. Untrain yourself that you do not have to clarify the negative and DO remember to go for what you WANT.

THE GRUDGE: R U HOLDING ONE?

Holding grudges is one of the worst things a person can do. Its understandable that you can be mad at a particular person(s) about a situation that you will never erase from your memory, but are you gonna hold onto that forever?

Apart of taking this journey on Earth is knowing that people are going to piss you off. That people you though you can trust, care about, or associated with can do something to you that is almost unforgivable that yes you will hold onto a GRUDGE. Everytime that person comes around, you will find a way to remember what that person did. Especially if it was the ultimate beytral and I understand.

But...holding onto grudges are bad. That are bad because it just sit in your system, and its like a little piece of anger that gets fired up everytime you think about it or when this person come around. It could of happened months or years ago, but you will hold onto that memory like it happened yesterday and thats not good.

Again people piss us off, but the best thing we can do whether they apologize or not is to FORGIVE THEM. I know that hard because they pissed YOU OFF and they should be begging you for Forgiveness...but either way you should let what happened go. I am not saying to FORGET what happened, because it did and that memory will not go away but when you forgive and let the GRUDGE go you will feel better and your life can fully move on.

GRUDGES are a sign of stunted growth. You can expect to grow as a human being knowing that this memory/situation/person eats up at you and pulls you backwards. You get angry, frustrated, cold-hearted, and become a brick wall because of that experience and whether you know it or not, this will effect another situation in the future because you just cant let it go.

Some people are so hard that even when the other person who might of been in the wrong apologizes, its not enough because you just that mad. I will reinstate that I can understand something "seem" unforgiveable, but you can forgive and move on. Be the bigger person and show that this situation was in the past, and let the grudge out of you system.

You can choose to resolve the situation, depending on how sincere the person was with their apology and your relationship prior to the situation (how important were they in your life before this happened) or choose to forgive but not associate yourself with them because you know this person is not "sincere" or can't be trusted (which is understandable).

Everything is about growth, trial and error, who to trust who not to trust, anger & forgiveness, problem & solution and so on and if you cannot go on with life understanding this concept and still want to hold onto GRUDGES then maybe its you with the PROBLEM.

Learn: Be a person who is not weak because they can forgive others, but strong enough to know that people make mistakes. Once you let go of the "grudges" in your life, you can peel away the old you and celebrate another step to maturity and growth.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

SMILING THROUGH THE RAIN

I hate rain, the rain sucks, but we have to deal with it right? Even though it rains and we may not like it there is a reason for it and without it things wont grow right?

When it is raining outside people's mood changes. They do not want to go out, they get lazy, or they might be in a crappy mood-all because of the weather. Who says you have to be in a crappy mood because its raining?

Rain is much like our lives. The emotions and despair and sad times in our life rain represents. If you are unemployed, having relationship issues, having family issues, having life issues, that is rain. Every complication in our life is rain, because it can't always be sunny in our lives or we wont GROW.

Now it may not be pretty outside, but your attitude on it doesnt have to make your life miserable. It might even surprise you to do the opposite, to actually learn to smile in the rain because you know sunshine is coming soon. You know it doesnt rain forever!

Why sulk because its raining? Why sulk because your life is not "perfect" right now? Why be upset because you need some rain in your life to get an understanding and to grow. It rains outside because things need to grow and we need water to survive. We might not like it but the negative things in our lives happen because we need to grow and find ways to survive our adversity!

I hate the rain, the rain can mess up situations and throw a curveball in your life that was unexpectant, but crying while its raining is not going to make it better is it? When you watch movies or TV show when it rains it is usually a situation where something bad or dramatic is happening, but dont turn on the DRAMATICS in your life just because the weather sucks.

Its hard and its raining outside doesn't make the situation better, but believe sunshine is coming. The weather will be beautiful again and you will be even more happier because you was able to withstand the storm and now your able to enjoy the sun being out again.

Learn: Dont let the weather mess up your mood or life. Sometimes the rain is good so that you can wash away things that are unable to handle the storms, and when it all over beautiful things grow from it.

Friday, September 18, 2009

THE COMFORT ZONE

In my previous post I talked about WHAT MATTERS, and your COMFORT ZONE matters alot in a relationship. Sometimes that is the hardest thing when seeking a mate, its not all about attraction or just liking them is can you be comfortable around them?

In the beginning of most relationship we try our best to put on the beautiful front that we are "perfect" and that there are barely an flaws with us. After the 6 month mark usually you start letting down some walls and breaking barriers, and maybe the REAL YOU starts to reveal. It may not necessarily be a bad thing, it just things you used to restrict yourself to the other person in fear they would JUDGE YOU. Try to make a great impression and put on this facade and cover up little things so that you wouldnt push them away.

But over time you get used to a person. You get so used to them you start to feel COMFORTABLE and that you can be YOURSELF! That is the best part that if after you can chill with someone with no restrictions, barriers, and reservations and they accept you FLAWS & ALL. When you are around that person you can let loose and just be free.

Its a deeper connnection as well when you reach that ultimate comfort zone with that person. When you are around that person you relax, laugh, and there is no fear in too much of anything because just being in their prescence makes you comfortable. You can be around them and things just feel "right" and there is no nervousness or timid feelings.

When you kiss them its natural. When you hug them its natural. When you cuddle with them its natural. Everything with that person is just a "natural chemistry" and doing things with them is just easy and effortless. Thats what makes the bond so strong that you are so comfortable with one another you do not have to think too hard to do things, you just do them and GO WITH THE FLOW.

When you find a person that you can "just be" with and everything fall into place, it is BEAUTIFUL. It wonderful because doesn't take too much to "impress" this person because they are impressed with the beauty of you alone.

Learn: One of the most important things in a relationship is being totally comfortable with the one you are with. Once your comfortable there will not be too many things that can destroy that bond unless you get TOO COMFORTABLE. When you finally comfortable with someone everything else will be natural and easy to trust them with the REAL YOU.

WHAT MATTERS

Most of us in life are so busy looking for the wrong things...thinking too hard about the wrong things...and we forget WHAT MATTERS. So what does matter in life?

Well everyone has their own perception of what is important in their lives and what is SUPPOSE to matter. In reality people are so disillusion because they do not know the difference between what is SUPERFICIAL vs REAL so of course we can easily get things confused.

Little things should NOT matter. Something that is not going to last past next year should not matter. But the problem is that we cannot see the FUTURE should again how do we know if something matters or not? What should you invest your time in, what should you get rid of, what is important?

Your future is important. After a while you have to see what is ahead of you. What is your life plans? Do you hold the blueprint to your life or are your walking around in the dark with no flashlight? What is important is your HAPPINESS! What is important is your getting rid of things that are not going to fit into your master plans for the future.

Its okay to be confused about what matters because everything is based on trials and errors. But what you do need to pay attention is to your INTUITION. Do you get bad vibes around someone? Do you hear a little voice that says maybe this is not a good situation? Do you know the difference between what is a temporary feeling and what is a perment lingering feeling that wont go away?

What is going to make your life better? What is the solution to a problem? Most importantly what is LOGICAL?That is what matters the most is the logic of any situation if it is not going to make your life better or if it makes a situation worse.

We all have a little voice inside of us that speaks the truth in what matters. The voice is so little that we may not hear it very well or we ignore it, but the voice still speaks. Its up to us to open our ears and pay attention to what matters, before we keep surrounding ourselves with superfical, meanlingless, & disappointing things.

Learn: What matters the most is for you to move forward with your future goals and not backwards. Stop giving energy to things that you know in the LONG RUN does not matter. Only you can decifer what matters within yourself the answer will reveil itself or you will figure it out the hard way.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

FAIRYTALE RELATIONSHIPS

Wouldn't it be great if we could make our own perfect mate. The perfect fairytale, happily ever after relationship? Sorry Disney tales doesn't apply to real life.

Wouldnt it be great if the person that we always wanted appeared before your eyes. That person has the perfect figure, perfect face, perfect personality, almost as if they popped out of your Dreams? Everything you always wanted was right in front of you with NO FLAWS?

I think life was made for us to not have perfect relationship. There has to be some issues or problems in order to learn and grow from them. But I think the bulk of the reasons why alot of people get frustrated in relationships, men & woman, because we expect so much from a person and believe that if this person doesn't have want we want, there is that PERFECT SOMEONE out there.

Unfortunately we do not have the power to CREATE THE PERFECT MATE. Disney is dead and our reality cannot be made into one of our favorite childhood movies. We cannot expect that because our relationship is not as perfect as we alway imagined it to be that its easier to keep thinking "MR. or MS. PERFECT" is out there.

Even if you meet someone and they seem as if everything is great, minimal problems, there will always be a stimpulation somewhere down the line because that is LIFE. You wasn't raised in a perfect family, you dont have perfect friends, and look in the mirror & evalutate yourself that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT either. Everything is a work in progress, and unfortunately in life relationships are the hardest ones that will take a lifetime to master.

We aere not suppose to be in control of our relationships all the way. If we try to manipulate, be someone we are not, put n the fake face, create an illusion of a beautiful fairytale, the end result will turn into a horrible nightmare because WE ARE NOT THE CREATORS OF DESTINY. We are suppose to just follow the path and go in the right direction not try to reconstruct to make our own DESIGNER RELATIONSHIP. YOU WILL FAIL.

Just take the right path, even if the yellow brick road is long, it will be the journey that will take you home for a happy life & lasting relationship. Just dont try to force and recreate it, because the obstacles of reality are better than fake fairytales.

Learn: Walt Disney created the perfect fairytales. We are not the illustrators of our lives or our relationships. Sometimes things have to happen naturally through lessons and patience before we can appreciate our happily ever after.

THE GOOD OL' DAYS

I got the idea to write this because all of yesterday my mother was playing all the oldies but goodie music. You know the music from like the '50s & '60s and she explained that this is when love was REAL and GENUINE. I think she had a point.

She said this is when people actually dance, slow danced, and you could feel the chemistry instantly. It was romantic and pure, unlike today where the music is too fast to slow dance & not so romantic anymore.

Now being an 80s babies I have no clue what the 50's or 60s were like but I pretty sure it was beautiful. When men actually used to COURT (to try to obtain companionship) a female & swoon her.
  • He would actually call not text her. If she was not home I am pretty sure he would call until he was able to reach her or leave a respectable message to return the call back.
  • He would arrange real dates (not a time where you can "chill") and pick the girl up and drop her home.
  • He would enjoy long walks in the park to get to know the girl on a deeper level and that would be considered romantic.
  • He would write letters or poems expressing his love or his desire to be with the female. If he knew how to sing or play an instrument he would serenade her with a song.
  • He would compliment the lady telling her that she was beautiful(not sexy) and you can see the sincerity in his eyes.
  • When he did express himself to the woman, he would look her deep in her eyes and pour out his soul and say the most beautiful words that maybe in present day times we would only hear in movies.
  • He wouldn't play games or lead the woman on. He would do everything he can to pursue & keep her in fear another man would take his place.
  • He would be the perfect gentleman, care about his appearance, you could take him home to momma, and was responsible & generous.
  • He would make sure he told the world that he loved his woman and no one could break that bond. If anyone had anything bad to say about his woman he would defend and fight for her.
  • He would not rush things, he respected her, took his time so that she didnt feel pressured to do things until the the time was right (it wasnt about just sex and then off to the next).
  • He wouldn't mind going out his way for his woman because she would be worth it and he wanted a future with her.

As my mom played the music I started to realize that maybe in this day in age we do have a disconnect when it comes to relationships. The reason why there we plenty of marriages and less divorces back in those days is because of how they handled their relationships. Everything I listed, I am not saying people do not do this today but it is not very common.

Now and days people are too angry, we all want to rush things, we want things our way, we are all a little too selfish, we focus on only today and not tomorrow, but most importantly we forget to put in that EXTRA EFFORT to obtain and keep the relationship going. People are not into the "romantic" spectrum of a relationship.

We do not express to each other on a regular how much we mean to each other anymore. We take each other for granted because people are like buses "miss one next 15 one is coming" mentality so the risk of losing your loved one is rare because we are always seeking a replacement.

Maybe we do need a little help. We needed to see more of loving relationships in the home. We need to see more examples of relationships lasting instead of hearing divorces & paternity testing on the rise. We do need to take it back to the old school and really FEEL love instead of just CLAIMING love or emotions. We need to reach a little deeper because the good old days are not gone, we just need to practice the art of ROMANCE again.

Learn: Music is not what makes a relationship but the atmosphere can set the mood. Do not forget to keep romance alive and the chemistry strong. Sometimes we have to slow dance to feel real Passion, instead of always speeding up the pace and it disintegrates.

Monday, September 14, 2009

DEPENDENCY

I just did my blog on LOSING BELONGINGS and now I want to focus on when people depend on people too much in a relationship that they LOSE THEMSELVES!

I never understood how people get into a relationship and solely "depend" on that person for everything. Its like that person becomes their life supply & they can't leave the relationship because they will not have anything. I am specifically talking about females who think they need to be with a man for "financial reasons" the most.

They are unhappy, they want to cheat, they want to run because their boyfriend is getting on their nerves. But no matter how miserable they are they cannot leave because he pretty much takes care of that person and without him she can't survive properly. Or maybe the girl is not miserable, maybe she is content in the relationship because her man give her everything...

But there is something wrong with that. In a way you will need to be self-sufficient because if something happens then what? Would that girl leave the guy? Would she find another "provider" who can take care of her and start the cycle again? Or would she step up to the plate and do what is necessary to reverse roles and take care of her man? The later option rarely happens with most females who are dependent on a man.

Its great if your boyfriend is supportive & a great provider and he does what is necessary to make sure the girl and him is taken care of, but sometimes it also handicaps these females. I have friends who if their boyfriends broke up with them today, they would be so lost & confused and feel like they do not know what to do.

This is how some girls LOSE themselves. They wont get a job because thats what their boyfriend is there for. They wont go to school or aspire to do something better for themselves because their boyfriend is going to always give them what they want and need(financially) so there is no point on doing anything extra. There are some females who have to put up with so much of the dependency that they might have a controlling or even abusive boyfriend and they mentally strip that girl of even her freedom(because he is in control).

Nothing is wrong with wanting a man to take care of you. As woman we are seeking strong, stable men who can be great providers not only for us, but for the future foundation of possibly a family. I kind of understand why there are some lost females and they are so dependent on other men because they lack that "strong male provider figure" in the household so they seek in into adulthood.

My point in this post is just NEVER just solely depend on anyone for your STABILITY. Even emotionally do not give all of yourself to one person and you have nothing left. You have to be in CONTROL of you and YOUR DESIRES. If you give someone the power to make you feel as if without them you are stuck, it will be your own fault. BE STRONG and learn to HELP YOURSELF.

**Please try not to put yourself in a situation where your FORCED to be with someone because of the dependency, not because you truly want to be with them.

Learn: Dependency can isolate you. There is a difference between having someone support you and just depending on someone for everything. Make sure you have some control in your life or you will be a SLAVE to your relationship.

LOST BELONGINGS

Ever heard of the saying you dont know what you got until its gone? Ever lost something and didnt think nothing of it until you realized you needed it? Its funny how you start to appreciate things once its missing in your life.

All of us are given things in life. It may not be everything you want, when you want it, how exactly you want it, but you are still given something and its up to you to figure out how to utilize it and KEEP IT. Sometimes we loose the stupidest stuff, things that do not matter or can be replaced.

Somethings are hard to purchase. It might be too expensive or unattainable to retrieve again. Somethings are simply priceless or one-of-a-kind. So if you lose out on something like that maybe its gone FOREVER. So with things that we have, we have to be careful not to do anything to lose it for GOOD.

The littlest things or a slight moment of irresponsiblity or absent-mindeness you can lose. Maybe its burried somewhere, maybe you left it behind somewhere, or maybe it was even stolen. Or maybe you were nice enough to let someone borrow what belonged to you, and somehow you never get it back.

Well here is how things work in life when things are lost. Most things are lost but are not lost forever. Yes as humans we are careless, unappreciateve of what we had that we might of utlize on a daily basis but for the most part belongings can be retrieved.

It may take times, a lot of research, digging, and most importantly DETERMINATION to get what is rightfully yours. Most people in life take the easy way (or so they think) out thought. They believe what they had is lost forever, never gonna get it again, poof in thin air and they GIVE UP and try to REPLACE what was lost instead. Instead of backtracing steps and figuring out where things went missing in the first place, they get a new item.

Sometimes just because its new doesn't make it better. Sometimes if what you lost is worth finding again, its worth saving & getting a replacement & making sure you never lose it again. What if what you lost is actually found?

Would you take better care of it? Would you protect it? Or what if what you lost was never lost in the first place? What if it is nearby and you just keep overlooking it? Sometimes all it takes is for you to concentrate and what you lost will reappear. If you are searching for a missing item in your life just be very careful not to LOSE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS.

Remember "Sometimes you have to lose things because if its meant for you to have it will come back. If not it was never really yours to begin with."

Learn: People lose things all the time. If your lucky enough to recover it, take better care of it before it gone forever. Somethings are irreplaceable.

Friday, September 11, 2009

AFFECTION

I am a very affectionate person! I guess I kind of grew up on it because my family insisted on being affectionate & I love it. We all do actually.

The best part about most relationshiops whether we think so or not is the "affection" part of it. Seeing someone and something as simple as a hug can make you feel closer to someone. The best part of affection to me is actually kissing someone.

When you kiss someone you can feel the instant chemistry or connection. If you kiss someone and do not feel it then you know there is nothing there. I love kissing (even if it isn't french) just to give that energy to someone lights me up. I like something as simple as holding someone's hand because again, that little gesture you can feel the energy. I love affection most of all because just being the the prescence of someone and their energy(especially if you have a strong connection) makes me feel ALIVE.

I know it seems like this is natural for me to say this because I am a FEMALE but men secretly crave affection as well. Yes men act hard, not the ones to express emotions, but what they do want is the touch of a female. Single or in a relationship men want affection just as much (if not more) than females do.

Iread in a book that men of course show their affection more with the usage of sex. Yes they enjoy cuddling, kissing, holding hands just like we do but they can express their affection better with sex. Now I know every female a man has sex with he doesnt have to have a "connection" with, but that is their way of recieving it. If they are single and they are bouncing from female to female, subconciosly that is their way of getting their affection. A great reason why men cheat is because if the girl they care about does not give them or cant give them the affection that he needs, then thats is why he will seek it in another woman.

Men can be hard, joke with the boys, watch sports, play games, etc...but at the end of the day deep down he wants to be near a gentle woman. Its all about balance. Women are naturally soft, nuturing, caring people in which we do sometimes need a man to embrace their rough side (not abuse though) as a sense of "security" and "masculinity". Men are naturally hard & need to be even out with the prescence of a "feminitiy" and just a touch of a woman can make a man feel complete.

The more affection you get from a person, the closer the bond and the more the connection is established. Sometimes you get around a person and its like a magnetic force and it pulls you closer to them. If you are lacking REAL affection: not just bouncing from person to person (sexually), not just dating for the sake of "dating", or you just do not have that special one near you at the moment---Dont settle for less than you desire just because you don't have it. Get as much as you want, when you want it, from the right person. Everybody doesn't deserve your affection-unless the connection with that person is REAL and cant be ignored.

Learn: Affection is what all of us needs. When we have that incomplete & lonely feeling, its because we desire that human connection touch from a special person. Remember the more positive affection you have with a person--the stronger the bond will be. Its beautiful.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

CAN'T HELP BUT WAIT

I got the idea for this post last night while listening to an old Trey Songz song "Can't Help But Wait"...here is how I feel.

I am the type of person that I do listen to the words of songs and try to connect them with my life. Usually when I heard this song it reminded me of someone in particular because he claimed it reminded me of our situation...at the time I didnt appreciate that reference as much as I do now. Its crystal clear to me now...

See sometimes relationships can be extremely difficult and complicated. Too much baggage, can't let go of somethings, hard to get rid of people, emotions run high so sometimes you feel like you are stuck or obligated to these "FEELINGS' well at least with me. There was a point in my life I was fighting to get rid of someone but I just couldn't emotionally. I felt like there was a string or something that kept pulling me backwards but I was trying to move FORWARD, but was petrified to break the string.The person was BAD for me and the GOOD person was right in front of my eyes. I was so lost it was ridiculous.

And sometimes people see that your lost and they can choose to leave you alone or wait for you to get it together and be there waiting. I never understood why at the time the person who seen me going through this madness thought I was anything "worth waiting for" because at the time I didn't think I was. But he seen sometimes in me that I didn't, and now I do understand now, I am worth waiting for! Some people are worth waiting for, if you believe in them. Sometimes our spirits know more than we do, and if you short-change the process you will never see what is yet to come. There is a reason why things happen and we will all find out soon, thats why we WAIT.

Being young, relationship can be so frustrating and complicated because again THERE ARE NO CLASSES ON RELATIONSHIPS and I am pretty sure there are not too many great examples on how to handle them properly.So patience has to come in. You have to trust the process of what you want will come in full circle if you do the right things. Yeah everything is not going to go your way, you will be DISAPPOINTED, but relationships are always a work in progress...always(even in marriage). So back to the song...Cant help but wait...so who am I waiting for?

It may not be anybody in particular or it might be time for me just to WAIT on LIFE to lead me to the person I am meant to be with. I am waiting for the opportunity for a good man to see me for who I am. That I am perfectly imperfect, that I have flaws, but internally have the most loving and giving spirit and willing to share myself unconditionally. That I am not a little girl, but a growing, maturing young lady who has been heartbroken in the past but willing to open up, be honest, and be loyal & committing to an honorable guy.

I can't help but wait until the day that old grudges, past failed relationships, petty nonsense, and even hurtful events can be left in the past and not effect the future anymore. No more carry burdens and just finally being free and honest & ready to be open to me and TRUST ME & accept me FLAWS & ALL.

I have been fighting patience all my life and for the first time in my life I am welcoming THE WAIT. Because in the end it will be worth it. In the end not only I will get what I want, but whoever took the chance to believe in me will also reap the benefits because it will be a UNITY. Both parties would have grown & seen that life isn't as complicated as us humans make it...just have to be patient and do things with PURE INTENTIONS.

You cant expect things to be perfect, you can't always get your way, you can't do bad things and expect good things to just happen...you have to be patience & speak GOOD THINGS into existence. It may take time but if you know what you want and willing to wait for it, it will come & thats when true happiness will kick in. Dont rush a GREAT thing. Play your position in life accordingly...and the wait will be worth your while.

Learn: Good things come to those who WAIT. Wait for long-term great results...instead of receiving & accepting short-term instant gratification that diminishes quickly.

THE SHAME OF A MAN

This is about to get deep. I am about to say somethings directed to men, not anyone in particular, but if anything in this post strike a nerve with you then I am probably talking about YOU!

The shame of a man. Probably started with Adam & Eve when he ate that apple that Eve gave to him. Yes he knew he shouldn't have followed Eve, he know eating that apple was WRONG, buth e did it anyways. Most men today still have alot of "Adam" in them today. They know they should not be doing anything that might be breaking rules, but they do it anyways.

You have a girl. You care about her, you tell her you would not hurt her or lie to her, but yet you do anyways. You live by the rules "What she doesn't know wont hurt her" because you want to have you cake and eat it too. Sure maybe it was a "one time thing" but it led into several other occasions because you didn't get caught the 1st time.

So your lies multiply, because again you haven't got caught and you kind of enjoy having this secret life but deep down inside you know you are doing wrong. When does the shame kick in? Does it even occur to your when you look into her eyes? When she is smiling and laughing with you because she thinks she has someone she can TRUST. She know that most guys are DOGS but gave you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't because every time she questioned you somehow you convinced her that you was being GOOD.

But you aren't as good as you portray are you? While she is not in your presence or talking to you on the phone, somehow the Adam in you tells you to do something outside the relationship because maybe you think your INVINCIBLE. Is that what it is? Your invincible? You will never get caught? You will keep your POKERFACE on and sugarcoat everything you do because you want THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.

Does it even occur to you while you are doing your deeds that this would hurt her if she found out? Does she even pop in your mind when you are out doing your thing...does that voice every speak to you and tell you what you are doing is WRONG? How could you lie to her? How could you tell her your doing one thing, but you actually are doing another? How could you have that woman believe the you are faithful and trustworthy, but simultaneously secretly breaking all trust?

Does you head hang low when you are finish "doing you"? This is such a mans world and maybe you feel like you have the right to explore your options while the girl you care about is left in the dark believing everything is almost perfect between you. Women have intuition, and sometimes she questions you, but you reassure her everything is okay and not to worry when she SHOULD. She may not know it, but every twinge of insecurity is for a reason because sometimes things doesn't add up, but because of her TRUST in you she shakes it off.

But are you really that SELFISH? That you will have that poor girl being loyal to you like a DOG who would never bite the hand that feeds her because she would be too scared to lose you, but yet you do it to her. Why couldn't you be LOYAL? Is it the DOG in you that made you cocky enough to believe what is in the dark wont come out in the light? That as long as you keep it to yourself, nothing is wrong? That maybe what you did you can leave in the past, in the back of your mind, and keep going on like you never did it?

But you did! The Damage is done. Its written in history whether you want to continue to keep lying or feel like you can stop and go as you please. You are deceitful and you are joining lots of men who secretly hold that SHAME in their heart like you. So you don't feel as bad because maybe most men you know can relate to you and why you do what you do. BUT what about that VOICE inside of you...the voice that tell you "this is very wrong, your gonna hurt her if she finds out".

But what if the tables turned? What if while you were believing she was LOYAL and that you had nothing to worry about, she was doing DIRTY behind your back? How would you feel? Would you be outraged, hurt, deceived, blind-sighted, shocked, appalled, or pissed? So how could you have those emotions toward her if she did them if you can freely do them and not feel the emotions of what you did to her? Why doesn't that ever cross your mind?

This is not to make you feel guilty, because if you are not doing wrong or never done anything wrong you should have nothing to feel guilty about in the first place. Just remember the same girl you hurt, who trusted you, believed you, adored you, defended you, loyal to you, is the one you CONSTANTLY LIE TO. Adam stop eating tainted apples, because just like Eve opened her eyes and seen the TRUTH, she will too and you will pay the ultimate consequence and it wont be pretty. The damage is already done though...but have you admitted to it or are you still in denial?

Learn: Men stop hurting & breaking these females hearts. All men are not dogs but if you put yourself in that category to lie to the girl you care about then you will be one. The hardest thing for a women to do is to give 100% her trust in a man in a world when most men lie to get what they want. Give her 100% reasons to trust you so that you wont be carry the burden of SHAME in your spirit.

**What she doesn't know will hurt her eventually.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

WHAT 2 DO WITH THE "TRUTH"

I dedicated this post to one of my closest friends (she know who she is). You shared with me what has been happening and I want to relate to you...THE TRUTH.

They always say "the truth hurts" and it does. We always demand the truth, ask someone to be honest, dont lie, and when the truth is revealed what do you do with it? Especially if it is something you didnt want to hear...if it is something painful and heartbreaking?

When the truth is revealed that someone kept a secret, they have been lying to you, the did something deceitful behind your back...all the while when they wanted you to "trust" them. So now that you know the truth, will you cut them off or will you work through it?

You shared with me that you are at crossroads...you are confused at what to do. I know its difficult because you asked for the "truth" and now the "truth" might ruin your relationship. Will you forgive or will you move on? It doesn't matter if it was a "one time" thing...its been done and it was WRONG!

But is it wrong for you to still care for that person? Is it wrong to still have feelings for this person who betrayed you even if what they did hurt you to the core? Is it wrong to still want to work through it and try to give him another chance?

Does he feel guilt? Does he think about what he did and how this hurts you? Does he not understand that what you guys shared he shared with someone else? While you were giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though you were miles apart, you TRUSTED him and he did "his thing". You stayed true, kept to yourself, because you were LOYAL!

LOYALTY & TRUST goes hand in hand. He broke both of those bonds with LIES. So will you be able to bounce back from that? While you cry to yourself, does he even care? Does he understand your pain hit hard not because of the "situation" but because you and him had HISTORY, not a day, weeks, months, but years of a CONNECTION! That is why it hurts right?

I bet he doesnt even understand that yes the truth hurts you, but the lies hurt even more. That you were blinded because you wanted to believe he was HONEST. You wanted to have that glimmer of hope that he "was not like the other guys, he wouldn't do that"at least not to you. Yes you guys relationship was complicated, and the title was a little unclear...but what was clear that you guys had a CONNECTION that had the potential to grow into a beautiful relationship...and because of his SELFISHNESS things might change.

So what do you do with the TRUTH my friend? That is the million dollar question, and as I told you yesterday which ever decision you make just remember the BIG PICTURE. Does that person who lied to you can you see yourself with him long-term? Do you see his other qualities as good and maybe he can be trustworthy again? Will it be hard to let go because you know he is THE ONE? Do you LOVE him so much that maybe deep down inside you can see yourself getting past this because people do make stupid mistakes(even if it is out of selfishness).

I know the TRUTH hurts but at least your not in the DARK blind-sighted by lies which will carry over for months or even years because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Be happy the truth is out and moving forward there can be some resolution---instead of just believing or ASSUMING he was being faithful the entire time (TRUST ME I KNOW).

I rather know the painful truth with my eyes open wide, than be a fool in the dark and keep living lies.

Learn: The truth always comes out...but its up to you to make a decision on what to do with it. Dont have a relationship where you are being deceived, at least know and accept the TRUTH- then deal with it accordingly.