Friday, May 7, 2010
They love the idea of a relationship, but hate the concept of just being single. They are always constantly dating or in a relationship. They never have a break, always on the prowl for a new relationship, rebound, companion, etc... This person has more issues than any single or person in a relationship. This is a major issue and will explain why.
We are all on a quest to have love & affection. We were born to do so. So naturally most people of this world would like to be in a relationship & find one person who they can be compatible with. We are also born into a world where we are single indivisuals and many of us hate being alone. Whether we be around friends & family or a love, people love to interact with others, so hey why be alone? When dating it can be fun, you find someone you like & even fall in love. What happens if it doesnt work out. Well people sometimes RUSH to fill the void of the last- because they CANNOT STAND LONILNESS!
Serial Monogamist love relationships. Not just regular relationships, dating short-term & breaking up quickly. They aspire long-term relationships, and usually have great relationships that last more than 6 months. The problem with serial monogamist is that they love long-term relationships, but they constantly always looking for someone else to have another with. They are never satisfied and always sees flaws in the person they are with. They are truly the personaification of seeking how green the grass is on the other side. That is always on their minds.
If they break up with someone, they always have a back-up or go find someone new instantly. Its never a break. Its New Date Partner-Relationship-Breakup- New Date Partner Cycle. Its like they need a validation of who they are in another person. They honestly do not know what the word "single" means. They need that affection from someone, and they never give things time to cool down from their last relationship. The solution to moving on is to Find Someone New Now! Once they find someone who they are attracted to and have some things in common it might be an immediate relationship or things are now serious with them.
Serial Monagamist also are low-key cheaters. If they are in a relationship they have some people they have on back-up just in case its time to break up. If they do break-up from a relationship, even if they are dating someone without a relationship, they still have several potential candidates they are also dating...just in case that person doesnt work out. Its a collection of back-up people and thats what makes them serial. Its an on-going pre-medidated process that they make sure not having someone isnt an option. Most of them expect the person to mess up & thats is then the #OnToTheNextOne cycle continues. The goal is to always have someone lined up on the bench to play the field! How is this person ever going to have a real long-term stable relationship with this mentality?
Here is the deal. I think everyone needs to experience being "single" on a real level. To not always "look" for the next person to date as a victim of a quest of a new relationship but just be. We need to learn to be by ourselves, get ourselves together, and even take time to get over the last person without always rushing to date so quickly. Constantly dating with no break is how future relationships can be destroyed. You have to adjust to another personality, you have to get to know them, and make sure you are compatible for the LONG RUN. Sometimes people just date for looks & sexual chemistry and if you do not find out who they really are you will end up with Attraction Dissatisifaction.
Its good to be by yourself sometimes. Yes it may seem horrible, especially if you have friends in relationships and you feel left out sometimes but its a maturing thing. Middle Schoolers & High Schoolers are usually the ones who can skip & move on to the next relationship within a week or a month. They do not know any better. Adults should not be on a quest looking for their next "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" but be on a quest looking for themselves. If you cannot be alone, why would someone want to be with you if YOU cant enjoy yout own company? What point are you proving that you can easily date after a breakup? There are millions of people in the world, so yes you can date but what about being with someone who truly loves you & that you are compatible & comfortable with? There are too many people, especially serial monogamist, who date for the sake of a selfish reason to not be alone.
What about being with someone who you dont have to compare to your ex? What about somone who makes you forget about all your pain in your last relationships? What about someone who wants to see you grow as a person? What about someone who compromises with you? What about someone who genuinely cares about you? What about someone who you can trust? What about someone who you know will always have your back? What about someone who has a forgiving heart? What about someone who has goals in life and are currently working on them? What about someone who has their own life but wants you to be apart of theirs?
The list can go on and on. The point being made is those questions cannot be explored to their fullest potential unless you dated that person for 6 months or more! You cannot possible know a person within a short time span. Serial Monogamist rarely get to know the person they are dating, but rather jump into a relationship & get to know them later so when it gets serious thats when they realize maybe the grass is greener on the other side again. Give people plenty of time to get to know them, and most importantly get to know yourself! Many problems do not lie in the person you are dating, but YOU! If you are always the person who has to break up with someone or little things constantly bothers you, it may be YOU that is the main issue. To which is why many of us need to be single, so that we can define ourselves clearly, work on our flaws, and then learn to have healthier relationships.
Its never healthy to jump from relationship to relationship. Sometimes the healthiest realtionship you can have is peace of mind with yourself. If you get yourself together properly, then you wont have to seek out the perfect companion, things will happen NATURALLY. STOP RUSHING RELATIONSHIPS & KILLING THEM. If you just cant be alone, spend more happy times with friends & family- dating isnt the only option to cure lonliness.
Learn: Happiness begans when you stop wanting. The issues is that when you seek happiness in someone else instead of being happy with yourself. You will stop wanting when your happy alone for awhile so that you can find someone who is equal happy alone and that is the perfect match! That is the secret to happy relationships!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
I think our society has screwed our world’s definition of Love. Love is sometimes used as a bad word or only used correctly in certain movies, which can seem fake and “only-in-the-movies” is that gonna happen in our daily lives. Its hard because more and more everyday people feel like the do not know what real love is and what it feels like anymore.
People sometimes can compare love to their first relationship or their first heartbreak. When you first experience what loves feels like from someone other than a family member or friend its so liberating & its almost like the happiest you ever been. You smile more, you are more trusting, you are excited and life seems like it really worth living because you now know what love is and you have it! But this is when love is destroyed, when that energy of love has you in such a high state of happiness & its taken away from you due to a breakup then there is a heartbreak! Sometimes people hearts get broken so badly, they believe its never gonna be the same again and that maybe they do not want to experience love again in FEAR of losing it. So there are people who self-sabotage themselves and make things hard for others to love them.
People get into relationships expecting the worst, or when things get too good they will point out the bad just to justify how things aren’t going to work. People’s expectations are real low when it comes to love so when someone does love them it becomes rejection. So to protect themselves they reject and look for flaws & point out the negative? Or simply they just start thinking “I DON’T TRUST this person to love me properly” because they are premeditating to be disappointed in be loved.
Someone could show them all the love in the world they every wanted or prove to them that someone loves you to the same or higher magnitude than people in the past has, but its still a rejection there. They hold onto past hurt so if a person is giving them too much love or affection it gets cancelled out because they do not want to believe in it. They want something bad to happen so they can point out how love always disappoints them.
It’s a sad way of thinking. We were born to love & experience it. When we first fall in love its like we are born again looking at the world in a different light because it’s the best experience & feeling to ever have. When its taken from us, sometimes we are fearful to experience again so that we do not get teased and lose that feeling again. So instead of accepting & being open to love again, the rejection process takes over so that one doesn’t get their hopes up. Its that pride in some people that getting their hopes up is a bad thing. Read that again “Getting your hopes up”. Why wouldn’t someone what to have their hopes up…so you rather have your hopes down?!
This society molds us into believing we should have lower expectations and have our hopes down. Love is something we should never have lower expectations about and expect our hopes to be down in! We should embrace it and be happy to have it in our lives. If someone is showing us love and affection we should be so appreciative because some people take years to find someone that cares about them at all. We take people for granted; especially the ones that love us the most, because have a reverse way of thinking. We believe the people who do not care about us have our best interest and the ones who love us will hurt & disappoint us.
Open you eyes. Please stop rejecting love if it’s in your life. You were born to love and to experience it. Do not let some bad past experiences disturb your present & future. If you are receiving it look at it as a gift because there are so many people in the world who are no as fortunate to have people who care & love them. If someone loves you love back & be open to receive more love than that. Love is limitless so stop giving it boundaries!
Learn: Learn to love & accept love. Love is beautiful do not believe in the lies that love leads to heartbreak & disappointment. If you accept love in your life and be honest with what you feel then you can open your heart to what is real. You should run to love not run away from it. Give love another chance or you will miss out!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
See what happens with Mr.BackPocket Chick is that he craves a relationship, he probably would one day love to be in a full committed one, but there is a mental block. It could be a past(or several) relationship that failed him, he doesn't feel his life is in order to properly have a good relationship, or it could be he is just simply still "playing the field". Miss BackPocket Chick can be doing everything right, but again the "what if" factors starts to play and he is most likely pondering how green the grass is over on the other side of the fence.
I say he is selfish because as much a Miss BackPocket Chick puts out for him, he doesn't do the same for her. She is expected to change her ways, while she must adapt to his ways. He has a complex view on life and how it should be for him, and Miss BackPocket Chick is probably asking for too much which aggrevates him sometimes. But let me make this clear...Mr.BackPocket Chick is not the VILLIAN. He is just misunderstood.
Mr.BackPocket Chick is not a bad guy at all. Mr. BackPocket Chick is a very lovable guy at times, otherwise why would Miss BackPocket Chick want a complete jerk? There is gotta be something she adores about him. I am going to tell you want it is. Miss BackPocket Chick adores everything that Mr.BackPocket Chick doesn't even realize. No matter how many times he mad her mad, she understands the good side of him. She sees the strong potential in a future with him, even if he doesn't see that potential in himself yet. Mr. BackPocket Chick might be going through a transistional period in his life right now that cause him to be a bit selfish and maybe not appreciate the good Miss BackPocket Chick puts out, because he is probably still trying to finding himself!
Dont treat her like you wallet that is in your backpocket; you take it in and out of your pocket at your lesiure. She is a human being with strong emotions for you. She is not your sideline, your mistress, your play toy, she is the woman of your affection. You spend time with her, you must enjoy her otherwise she wouldn't be around in the first place. But here is the thing, if you are not ready for a commitment then do not do the things with her as if you are going in that direction. She believes the things you say and hope that one day you are going to coming around.She only wants the best for you and even if you cannot see yourself with her, appreciate what she has done for you. If you do see yourself with her, then do the right things and show her that she is not just a backpocket girl. She should be YOUR GIRL. You can't just have your cake and eat it too. She has her cake and shares it only with you.
You need time. Being the logical complex male creature that you are you need to think about it. What do you want in a woman? Are you looking for stability or are you still searching for more fish in the sea? Do you see yourself with Miss BackPocket Chick but want the freedom of other things until your ready? Know this, you will always get whatever you want when you seek it with a pure heart. Miss BackPocket Chick did everything with a pure heart for you and she deserves better than how you treat her. Everything happens for a reason, and its up to you to make your life solid in all areas in your life.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I am freely able to write and express myself very strongly on this subject because I have to admit I "was" a backpocket chick for the longest time. So I am doing the follow-up on the introduction of the BackPocket Chick and go into the mind of one. Most of what I am about to write next is coming from my own personal thought experiences & hope that this comes off relatable to others females who were also "BackPocket chicks".
So if you are not familiar yet on who is the BackPocket Chick please get aware of her here in which you might be surprised that you know this girl very well. She is the good girl who pretty much go hard for a guy who does not reciprocate the same passion she does for him. She is Miss Patiently Waiting for her Frog to turn into Prince Charming. She is not the alternative, she is the main objective of the guy's desire but she gets put into the mix of his confusion of his lifestyle and she wonders when will her man get his act together?
Miss BackPocket Chick is a lady that is usually the good girl. She goes out her way for her man, does things for him(and only him), she adores the ground this mans walks on, she is faithful to him, she is consistent with him, she does everything the perfect girlfriend would do but yet she is still not fully appreciated. She constently wonders what is it that she is doing wrong that is not making this guy take her 100% seriously.
Is she not pretty enough? Is she not doing enough? Has she upset him? Most importantly, is there another girl that has her man's attention? Hopefully that is not the case, because if that might be the case she does everything in her power to make sure her guy does not stray. She make sure that she doesnt pick petty arguements, she becomes tolerant of things she probably wasn't tolerant of before, she does things that makes him happy...and yet she is still coming up short? What is going on? Miss BackPocket Chick is completely devestated because she sees her Prince Charming right there ready to evolve into the man that he is suppose to be but still croaking like a Frog. Ribbit! Ribbit!
She is thinking "I am not the side-line chick. I am THE chick!". She spends alot of time & energy with her man, she is pretty happy with the fact that she has most of his attention & gets the quality time but there is still something missing. Her man seems to continuely do things to almost push her away. She either has to make a decision to not put up with his stupid foolishness or wait for him to come around. She puts up with his stupid foolishness. She always has to hear the same old speech from him "Im not ready" "I need my space right now" "Let me get myself together" "I dont know what I want right now". She heard it all too many times, and yet Miss BackPocket Chick is still waiting. Why is she waiting?What is wrong with her?
What is wrong with Miss BackPocket Chick is simply that she is in love with that man. She is head over heels, cloud 9 bliss, stop-the-traffic she found "The One" type of of love. She is ultimately doing everything in her power not to loose the love of her life. She is terrified one little wrong mistake can ruin everything she worked so hard to gain. She feels like her every move is reviewed under a microscope to him. She feels she cannot risk to show one little flaw or error because he will leave her. She is literally walking on eggshells to keep him around. Why would she want that type of love in the first place? Why would she always want to be with a man to always live in a world of paranoia just to keep him?
Love makes the BackPocket Chick to crazy things but most importantly she has is Faith. She might sound crazy, in others eyes some people believe well she is stupid to keep putting up with the same crap that another man would probably appreciate her better over, but its deeper than that. What most people fail to realize is the strength of the BackPocket Chick & her man's relationship. They have history, they have been through alot, and they might be in love. Its easier said than done just to try to move on. But again she has a strong faith in her relationship with that man that she is not willing to give up easily. She fears the moment she gives up, another woman will pick up where they left off and she was not gonna have that. To her is just NOT FAIR! She worked hard! She doesn't want anyone else, only him.
People have to understand as well the BackPocket Chick is a very smart & classy girl. She is what most men would love to "wife" one day and she is ultimately doing her best to show that man her full potential of lasting stability with her. There is something that he man told her that keeps her holding on. She has strong faith that even though he is confused now, that eventually he will come around and fully be stable with her. That is her #1 desire is a stable, lasting & loving 100% dedicated relationship with him with NO BOUNDARIES. She see the future with him very clear but he doesnt see that same vision right now.The BackPocket Chick has cried many days just wondering why isnt all of her hard work & dedication not being appreciated? Why wont he fully commit himself to her? What does she have to prove to him once and for all that she is "The One".
A little tip for anyone who is currently feeling like a BPC. Its not up to you to continue to convince Mr.Frog that you are "The One". That is his decision. Trust and believe you are doing a great job with him because if you wasn't he wouldn't of kept you around of as long as he did. You must be doing something right for him to continue to be a big part of his life. The problem with Mr.Frog is that he is not ready to be Mr.Prince Charming and kissing him a thousand times is not gonna make him evolve any quicker. Maybe he is the guy you always have dreamt of, the perfect man you have been waiting, your personal fairytale man come true, but unfortunatly you cannot rush your happy ending.
Mr.Frog is content right now being a frog. He doesn't see the value of become a human Prince and living a wonderful life with a great woman. He likes being in his muddy, damp, mucky enviroment and you trying to pursuade him that your grass is greener is evidently not working. What is happening is that you are removing yourself from your nice enviroment, and dealing with his undesirable living conditions in hopes of your patience will lead him to transform into Prince Charming. Its doesnt work that why. Mr.Frog has to turn into Prince Charming himself on his terms. Maybe you walking away from him, leaving his swampy & depressing habitat will show him that maybe where he is at isnt the best place to be. Maybe he will finally realize in your absence that being Mr.Frog sucks and Mr.Prince Charming is the better alternative and lifestyle of stability and happiness. Let him find that out and hopefully when he does turn into Mr.Prince Charming you will be his Princess and come back for you. Lets just hope by then you haven't kissed another frog that has already turned into Prince Charming quicker than he did. :-)
There is a pt.3 and it will be The Man of Ms.BackPocket Chick. Please stayed tuned to learn about him...
Song of the BackPocket Chick: Foolish by Ashanti
Thursday, February 18, 2010
So what is a back pocket chick? Well first and foremost lets not confuse her with a jump-off, sideline, mistress, etc…she is not in that category. She actually the opposite. If we could come up with a adequate definition of a back pocket chick this is what it would be.
Back Pocket Chick: A woman who is acts and might be interpreted as the girlfriend of a male significant other, but without an actual title of the “girlfriend”. The guy usually treats her as such , doing everything with her but will not fully commit to a stable relationship with her.
She does everything that a normal couple would do such as spend a lot of quality time with her, might be in an exclusive sexual relationship that might be 100% monogamous, friends and family know of her, public displays of affection, and everything else you could think of that would constitutes a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So what is the problem?
The problem is that the GUY will not fully commit to her. It has nothing to do with he might be cheating on her (or maybe he is) but more to do with the actual concept of a long lasting relationship. That might scare the guy so he doesn’t get too attach with the terms and still has a bit of freedom with the commitment to her.
Here is a theory on why he keeps the back pocket chick around. He pretty much get to have his cake and indulge without even sharing any with the girl. Basically he loves the feeling of a relationship, he might even be in love with the girl very much and enjoy her company, but mentally the stress of the commitment leaves him to not want to make it solid. So he plays a bit.
He doesn’t want to be in a “relationship”, he isn’t ready, he doesn’t know what he wants right now…are all perfect excuses on why he doesn’t commit & keeps the back pocket chick. This works to his advantage because the back pocket chick does everything pretty much for the guy to prove she is “The One” or worthy of being a great girlfriend so its nothing but benefit’s the man will receive But this is also NOT an open relationship. They might have a routine of frequently breaking up and getting back together.
He doesn’t want to lose her or let anyone have her, because psychologically it is a RELATIONSHIP. Whether it’s a title or not it’s a relationship. He gets jealous if his “back pocket chick” has other guys, doesn’t want his chick do things like she is a single woman…pretty much he is selfish with this girl and he wants her all to himself.
The reason why she is a back pocket chick is because he like to pull her back and forth in his life at his leisure. He feels when he is ready to maybe settle down, stop being confused, and take a relationship with a girl seriously that if he realized his best option is his “back pocket chick” he believes she will still be around for him. That is the plan.
The back pocket chick has to wait around until he gets he stuff together and they will live happily ever after. This logic doesn’t sound logical at all does it? Why would a girl do this? Why would she do thing as if they are in a relationship but the man wont commit to her? Why is she being strung along?
Well I am going to write a pt.2 of the mind of a Back Pocket Chick Next…stay tuned.
Beyonce aka Sasha Fierce "Ego" video
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Love is not meant to kill you! Yes it is the worst emotional pain one can go through because it almost feels like death itself. The person may not have died, but if they are out of your life you mourn them like they are dead. You may feel like everyday you are alive without them that you are slowin dying because they are no longer near you. Why would you wanna live without love? Its like taking candy from a baby...taking love from the lover. But real love is not suppose to make you feel like this. Its suppose to be beautiful, but things doesnt always go according to plan.
You fall in love. You love each other. Everything is all good until someone rejects the processes and sort of ends it without the other one not being ready. Someone hurts the other one, and in most cases with no regaurd on the pain that it will scar them with. Its almost like shooting the person in the heart, to watch them bleed as suffer a little, and them walk away like it never happened. That is how heartbreak feels right? Like the other person has no remorse and they literally have injured you and walked away. Worst feeling in the world.
When you heart is "broken" you feel like it will never be repaired by anyone else but the one who broke it. It is not as simple as supergluing it back together. The bad thing is that most of the time we have to repair our own heart and hope that it will work as good as new, so when love finds us again we are able to remember how good it felt. But sometimes it leave scars and bruises and love is hard to obtain again...
But you are alive. Love has not killed you! Sure it is painful, the recovery process is even more painful. But you cannot die of a brokenheart. Its really interesting that even after someone has injured our heart, left us with our hearts open-wide and bleeding love for them and turn their backs on us, that we will still LOVE them as if they didnt do this to us. The power of love doesnt die! So whether you can move on from the person who initally broke your heart, or maybe somewhere down the line find a way to make it work with that person...love still exsist. It hasnt kill you and it wont kill you!
I wrote this blog because of 3 things that in life we will all learn. We are gonna have to live, to experience love and of course to LEARN by it. When you live, you love, with love you learn. Life is Love, Love is Learning. Get it? Live. Love. Learn.
LEARN: Love isnt something that can end your life. It is painful to say the least but in a twisted way it actually makes you stronger. Once your heart has been injured & then it heals, it you allow it to heal properly love can return in your life in a benefical way. Just make sure who you expose your heart to handles it with care, because love is not suppose to be painful.
Melanie Fiona - It Kills Me
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
People say it all the time "I just wanna be happy" "where can I find real happiness" "I hope I find happiness". The funny thing is that its not too far and away that you can be happy. So ask yourself this question "Why am I not happy"?
Most people response could be
1.Because I am unemployed
2.Because I have financial issues
3.Because I have relationship issues
4.Because I am lonely
and so on and so on...so here is the other problem. If any of those things are making you unhappy what is gonna happen if you do fixes thoses isses? If you get a job is that going to automatically make you "happy"? If you fix your financial issues is that gonna make you "happy"? If you finally have the perfect relationship and have lots of friends and people around you is that gonna fulfill your happiness void?
If you said yes to any of those questions I feel very sorry for you. The reason I say that because those are considered minor issues that if you are not happy before you get those things then how are you gonna be really happy when you do get them. If you get a job that is suppose to boost your happiness. If you have money to pay your bills, that makes you stable and keeps your happiness at bay with less stress. If you have a great relationship it is only gonna work in the first place if you are happy prior to meeting your mate, nobody wants to date someone who is depressed and not happy with themselves. Same with having friends and people around you.
Honestly I think the people who are "pursuing happiness" it probably takes a lot to make them happy. Again the little things does not make them happy but it has to be something BIG to really put a smile on their face, and again that is sad. So many people are so unappreciative of the little things that can make them happy so they are pursuing a BIG BREAK DREAM and so the rest of their life is not as fulfilling because it is not achieved yet.
Here is a secret that I am still learning. Appreciate the small things in life now that make you happy so that when you really get something that makes you happy in a big way you can feel it all around you stronger. You cant take things for granted now, complain about what you dont have because there is so much to be happy about. For example seeing a little kid laugh, watching something that makes you happy/laugh, reading a good book, enjoying beautiful weather, eating your favorite food, etc...That might sound like some lame stuff to say but again you might be one of those people who are HARD to make and keep happy.
Now being stressed out in certain situations can make happiness hard to obtain sometimes, but that doesnt mean it not available. Happiness doesnt mean you get your way all the time and life is perfect and if that is what your looking for, you will be looking for a lifetime disappointed. Happiness is what you make it, so stop being difficult and go have it already! Its right there! Easy access inside of you.
**Oh and you are the only one who can get it for you, it is not someone else responsibility to make YOU happy.***
Video: Mary J Blige- Be Happy
Learn: Happiness is not something you have to "find" its a way of life. Happiness is the easiest thing in life to obtain but don't make it hard to have when it is right under your nose.
Say this: The best things in life are not only free, the best things in life lives inside of me.