Sunday, July 26, 2009


I dont know if it is because it is summertime or what, but there are alot of "dehydrated chicks" outside.

Thirsty...begging men to get them a drink.

Its patethic. Seriously.

Its like thoses girls you see in the club pushing up on guys because they want a drink from the bar. Shoot me & my girls know now that we can buy our own drinks when we walk through the door(I dont need a man to get me drunk but if he is offering I wont turn it down). Anyways...

I know it seems like there is a recession for men, but does that men you gotta go through leaps and bounds just to gets one's attention? Do you have to make yourself known to a man or several men that you are AVAILABLE?

Damn I hate being single, but I will never give a man the justification that I am "thirsty" for his attention. Some girls are so thirsty they will do almost anything to quench their thirst only to get drowned in a pool of DESPERATION.

What they need to do to get hydrated is to take a dive in a big pool of SELF-ESTEEM. Yes self-esteem is what these "thirsty girls" need, and if you forgot how to swim in that I can offer some tips.

  • Take a look in the mirror and appreciate yourself.

  • Less is More. Less Aggression...More Modesty

  • Tell yourself no man is worth you looking like an abandon wet puppy dog that has a big FOR SALE sign around the corner.

  • Stop trying to upstage the next girl, worry about yourself-everything doesnt have to be a competition

Learning from hanging around a bunch of guys all my life I know for a fact men do not like Thirsty Girls. Yes they will entertain them for a while, because it gives them a little Ego boost but in the long run its ANNOYING AND PATHETIC.

That girl will be used to only boost his Ego and can never take her seriously because its like she is a trained puppy dog waiting for master to give her a doggie treat for her talent. But once the lil puppy dog recieved a little Scooby snack it realized that it is also thirsty...and begs her Master to fill her doggie bowl with water...only to be ignored and once again DEHYDRATED.

Is that too deep or do I need to break it down in slow people's terms?


If you gotta convince him, or keep doing things to hopefully make him pay you any mind...YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH.

I dont jump through hoops unless of course he is MY MAN. If we are in a "relationship" and we are monogamous with each other yes I will do what I gotta do because he is MINE. But if he is not mine, then doing the Most just to get a drop of water and not a full glass is STUPID.

I understand you want to convince a guy that you like him, you want him, and you want a commitment or something, but you will only be used in the long run or ignore if you keep BEGGING FOR SOMETHING TO DRINK.

A man if he wants you will offer to not only get you a drink, but fill your glass until it overpours because he want to makes sure YOUR NEVER THIRSTY.

LEARN: To realize you do not need a man to fill your glass with water. It should already be half-full before anything serious arises. If it is empty, its up to you to fill you glass to the middle and then you wont be so dehydrated when persuing a mate. You will already be HALF-FULL, not thirsty begging a man to replenish you.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


This picture psyched my mind!

I figured out the problem that most people are lacking. There is a lack of "Faith" in people.

We live in the "Now Society" where everything is suppose to happen right here...right now.

For all of you Twitter gotta update your status like every 2mins because you gotta let someone know what you are doing every second of the day whether someone cares or not. We live in the crazy world of technology where if you want something u can damn near get it instantly online or at least order it instantly.

Everything is suppose to be in our grasp and we almost feel like nothing is worth the wait anymore. We are too IMPATIENT!

I admit I have been struggling with patience my whole life! I feel like I cant wait around for something no matter how benefical or it might be. I want something and I want it NOW!

So it gets to the point where we have to wait around for something good to happen we lose "faith" in things. We lose "faith" because "seeing is believing" and if we are not seeing instant result we give up!

We get mad, frustrated, angry because we can wait around for the good to happen. We start feeding into the negativity around us why we are waiting for whatever it is we are seeking...Or the opposite.

Some people not only are impatient but are LAZY. Faith is not going to manifest on laziness. If you want something keep the positive vibrant in your life...dont just sit and wait and do NOTHING!

Faith is based on the principle of positive affirmations. Faith is based on the value that what you want will come true as long as you do the right things to get it and patient enough to recieve it.

I have learned that is what Life is about. FAITH.

You lose faith, you lose out on what could of been. If it is something worth having faith in and you truely believe in you heart it is what you want it will MANIFEST.

But you can mess it up by doing bad things. You can expect what you want to manifest and last if you are doing things for selfish reason and getting what you want in the wrong manner. Yes you might get what you want, but who is to say it will last?

LEARN: To have faith in what you truly want in your heart, have positive and pure intentions, and your wish will be granted only with PATIENCE.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

July 15th: A Day Always Remembered

Today is a personal day for me. I actually forgot today was the 15th but thanks to my friend Mesa who's baby turn three today (Happy Bday Kyra) reminded me.

I am not going to say too much on why this day will not be forgotten. Its very personal and something I do not speak of often. I only tell people who are extremely close to me and they are aware or they were around when this happened.

Its painful to think about but it was a few years ago so each year I am able to be a stronger person about the situation. Its life...and certain things could have been changed or done differently. IDK...

I sometimes wonder what if this didnt happen, how drastically different would my life have been? I can wonder all day but I live in the present. July 15th today is not July 15th of a few years ago.

I am not going to lie and say I am not still hurt by the situation, because I am. I am human and there are certain things you cant take back. One day its all going to be very clear and I wont feel this weird pang everytime I think about what happned on this day.

Most people probably will never guess what this situation is about because its the total opposite of what people expect of me or what people know of my characteristics. As stated only the real tight knit people know...not even family members know.

I want to be able to trust a special person to reveal what happened this day one day. To tell everything and all of my feelings. It will give someone more of an understanding about me alittle bit and maybe things will make alot more sense. I feel like I am always carry this deep dark secret or burden in me, and I would like to be able to trust someone(besides the few who already know) with this "day" and get it off my chest. To have one more person as a person I can really trust and they understand and possibly feel for me...But for now I will just keep it to myself.

Again just another experience where I had to Live & Learn. And I did...

July 15th Never Forgotten...


Tia Mowry aka Melanie from "The Game"

So I just posted on my other blog about Derwin Davis from "The Game" and how he is my type of guy-----> Read It HERE. It inspired me to write about a topic that was on the show about "The Good Girl List".

Short synopsis of the episode: Melanie & Derwin break up because he cheated. Derwin starts hanging with his egoticistal myognistic teammate Malik who advised him to only bring girls on the "The Good Girl List" to one of his house parties. Melanie goes on a date with a football player who realizes Melanie is not the typical kind of girl and brushes her off because she is on "The Good Girl List".

So what exactly makes a girl be qualified for the "Good Girl List"
  • Not a gold digger
  • Has goals and aspirations (college, grad school, career oriented)
  • Doesnt seek a potential baby daddy but a potential husband
  • She is humble and not materialistic
  • She dresses classy
  • She tries to take care of herself
  • She seeks a "real relationship" and genuniely wants someone who shares her same values
  • She does things to make her man happy unselfishly
  • She usually comes from a stable background and has a sense of personal stablity
  • She is what men call "wifey material"
So those are some of the qualifications for a woman to be on the "Good Girl List". Now I believe myself that I am on that list. I always have been. I mean yes I had some stupid ways but I never had other motives to get me off the Good Girl List. I try my best not to be like some of these girls, who just give up everything just for their own personal selfish gain.

I am an actual caring person and somethings in life go beyond looks or money. At least in my world. I spoke in my last blog how I wanted a "humble sweetheart" because I believe I am also a humble sweetheart. But that gets taken for granted often.

They say good guys finish last...well good girls also finish last. Its the girl who puts her heart and soul into a relationship who usually gets cheated on and heartbroken. Its the good girl who wants nothing but the best in a relationship or seeks a good man and keep running into the "bad boy types". The good girl is on a constant quest to find Prince charming to only continue to kiss several nasty toads with no lasting results. The Good Girl gets taken for granted because usually the bad guys try to turn a good girl out and end up with messing with a "bad girl" or easy access girl, in which he should of been persuing that in the first place!

The good girl stays optimistic and hopes that her good girl qualities are appreciated by a genuinely good guy. There is so many "bad girls" and "bad guys" in the world that get mixed up with the good people that it can be hard to decipher who is actually a good girl or guy anymore.
I know inside every good person is a potential bad side that people walk on as well. I have had my bad moments so I am not going to write this post like I am an angel, Mother Theresa, Virgin Mary or anything, but I know deep in my soul I am just trying to do the right thing.

I am a good girl living in a bad world sometimes. The sea of good guys is shallowing while I constantly swim around bad boy territory. Hope is not all lost though because as long as there is a God...the good girl might finish last but she will finish and hopefully it will be worth the wait.

Monday, July 13, 2009


What a classic beauty.

Ok So This is how it is...seriously. I literally have been playing Aaliyah's I Dont Wanna for like a week straight. Its the type of song that all of the lyrics takes the words outta my mouth and speaks for me. Thank You Aaliyah for creating and singing a songs I can perfectly relate to.

If I had my way I wouldnt wanna do alot of things such as...

I really dont without you.
I really dont wanna have to act like I am "cool" with this situation.
I really dont wanna fight anymore-or be distant.
I dont wanna speak of the negative past.
I dont wanna complain.
I dont wanna accuse.

I dont wanna not be able to speak to you anymore.
I dont wanna be non-exisistent in your life.
I dont wanna fake the funk anymore...
I dont wanna give what belongs to you away
I dont wanna lie to myself and act like I dont love you.

I dont wanna keep praying for us and still not see any results.
I dont wanna remember all of the sweet things that made me fall in love.
I dont wanna keep looking at pictures to remind myself of the good times.
I dont wanna start all over again, I found what I was missing in my life.
I dont wanna not be able to share my good news with you.
I dont wanna dream of you and wake up and your not here.
I dont wanna distract myself to get you outta my head.

I dont wanna remember how beautiful your smile was.
I dont wanna reminence on how you made me laugh.
I dont wanna flashback to the day we meet.
I dont wanna keep missing you.

I dont wanna keep wondering what if...
I dont wanna remember how you gave me butterflies when we kiss.
I dont wanna hurt anymore because I miss the sound of your voice.
I dont wanna give anyone my time if it can be given to you.
I dont wanna make further plan without you being apart of them.
I dont wanna think of a future without you in them.


"It wasnt suppose to be this way, where did we go wrong, we both make mistakes, gotta carry on..." - I Dont Wanna by Aaliyah

Friday, July 10, 2009


Relationships are hard. They are hard because its one of the only things in life no one can teach you. You just have to go through it and stumble in the dark and hope you get it right.

Yes some of us can learn by example, such as our parents. I can say I kinda learned a couple of things from them. I definely know what NOT to do in a relationship. My parents are still together so I always grew up knowing I wanted to be in a stable relationship with someone because I know in my future I want my children to have BOTH of their parents.

My parents are not perfect. They have been together 27 years this year and thats a long time! Yes they are the old married couple that fights, but you know what in the end they find a way to calm down and COMPROMISE.

They learn to work through their differences and just try to level with each other. I dont think people (well at least in my age group) want to level anymore. We get frustrated, we hold grudges, jump to conclusions, dont talk about the issues just hold them in and be angry, and before anyone can come to a resolution its over because NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. EVERYONE STICKS TO THEIR OPINION AND REFUSED TO SEE THE OTHER PERSON SIDE OF VIEW.

Most of the time a relationship comes to an end because someone in the relationship is SELFISH. There is one person doing all of the hard work, holding the glue, while the other person is just never satified. Usually the person who is never satified is the one who breaks up the relationship whether its him/her cheating or they just break it up.

The person who was trying to hold it together never understands what happened. It is human nature to sometimes be selfish but people do not look at the big Picture. A relationship is painful. Especially if you been through bad ones before and you continue to try again, for it to happen again.

Its hard to get attached to someone, move on from your past, and then lose the one you are with.

Sometimes things go really good. And then it comes to a HALT. PAUSE. FREEZE.

People change though. For the better & for the worst. If when you met the person and they were just the twinkle in your eye, always smiling, always thoughtful, always giving---and then time passes by and they get real lazy. THAT LIFE. We live in a selfish world.

Sometimes I wish it didnt have to be that way. I wish people would show their true colors when you meet them. BUT THATS NOT LIFE. People are made to manipulate, decieve you, persuade you all in all to get what they want.

I wouldnt mind that if what they wanted was a STABLE LOVING RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS GOING TO LAST. Manipulate me...Con Me...Persuade believe that what you wanted in the beginning you want in the end too.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009


One of the most overused phrases in the world: Life is too short.

As cliche as it is so very much true.

This morning I recieved a phone called from my mother telling my James(uncle-like figure) has died this morning. James has been fighting with his health for so long, and GOd finally released him from the pain. I am actually happy for him because this world is painful and he can get some peace now.

My mother called me yesterday sounding sad and crying. I was questioning what was the matter and she just said "I just wanted to call and say I love you" joking and I am like okay what else are you calling me for (my mom like to call me to nag from a distance sometimes-we usually do just talk just for the sake of talking) and she said "No I am serious. This is all I wanted to call and tell you that I love you".

She was watching the Michael Jackson memorial service(as was I) and she just sincerely got choked up watching it and felt she needed to reach out. I apologized to her as said I loved her back and started to think as well. The memorial service was so beautiful for Michael and he was very much love, and he also knew this while he was alive...but it was a sudden death for the world to learn that he passed.

Nobody does not know when one's time to go will come. Only the Lord. He has the written date, time, and location and when that time come its it over. The ones left behind are left sadden and wondering if they were able to let that person know how much they are appreciated. Did they hold grudges onto the person and they passed w/o them resolving the problem. Was there another message suppose to be given and thought they had enough TIME to tell them later.

Tommorow is never promised. And I know we wake up, live our days, go to sleep, just assuming the next day will come with no worries and we all have all the time in the world to grow up, tell the people we care about how much they mean to us, and accomplish goals later on down the line...but how do we know we have that much time? Life is shorter than we think!

I feel everyday I am trying to do the right thing, to smile more, laugh more, get in touch with my family and friends, to stay humble, to get my life together, because I cannot act like I have forever and a day to get these things accomplished. I dont want to wait until it is too late to show someone how much they mean to me, so I promise that everyone I come in contact with stranger, friend, or foe...that I will be humble and as kind as possible.

I know I may not be able to 100% commit to this promise, but I will do the best I can and keep in mind that the world does not revolve around me. There is someone out there with a story, who is hurting, who needs support or kind words because this world can be so mean.

Life is too short, but it can be sweet if you let it.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Yes I am going to go there. This is me several time in my relationships. I am a very dominate woman. I like to do things when I wanna do it and I know what I want.

This goes beyond what your thinking (sexually) but yes I am talking about in that aspect too. Sometimes I felt like I was the main initator when it came to that...and sometimes I would feel ashamed too that I would be the one to make the first move.

Of course men are always going to be the man initiators when it comes down to the situation. They will bribe & convince you do to it even when you may not be in the mood. It is also very easy to get a guy in the mood to do it, like they are almost always turned on so it is effortless.

But yes I can admit I am like a Tigeress. I will pounce and demand what I want. I would be the initiator. I would be the one making the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd move.

But I am not gonna lie. Sometimes I love playing the submissive role and let him do whatever he wants. Or I will play the hard to get role and act like I dont want it and make him chase me for it (I do that alot too I love bulding up anticipation). <---But no means no(well sometimes)! Some people dont know what no means and its called "rape".

But overall I like having my way :::wink wink::: sometimes I dont get it because I can get kind of "spoiled" but hey I know how to spoil in return.

And for the record I am only an Alpha Female with my MAN! Seriously...I am not going to boost just any guys ego thinking that I want him and Imma be all over him. Ha! 9 times outta 10 he is gonna have to work to get what he wants, if he even get its.

Only the select few(and i mean very FEW) how my Alpha female instincts are.

The rest of these men can just sit back and only imagine...must be a great fantasty!


Sometime I will admit. I took certain people for granted. I acted as if thing were all about me and what I want. But the older I get the more I know to try to hold onto the ones I care about.

I sometimes act like a spoiled brat, complain about the littlest things, and yes even did the "nagging". In a relationship it is a compromise...and its about keeping your cool.

Nagging and complaining can cause a slip in your relationship. Especially with men, because most men are laid back and can only take so much. But men dont know what we go through...we do get annoyed over little things. We get alittle paranoid, because in reality, we know in the back of our heads there is a "lil tramp" lurking to try to take our man.

So yes I am learning to be a more peaceful person. To not jump through conclusions, and try to express my feelings in a not-so argumentative way. Its so hard because although I am 23 years old, I still feel like I am dating like an 18 year old(I still dont know better).

But as a woman I see things alot clearer. To hold onto your man and keep him you just have to be reasonable. I realized too men know us women can get a little crazy and they are just waiting for the day we spaze out...

They are also waiting for the day we "dont spaze out" and calm down and then maybe thats is when they will realize they have a winner on their hands. That they have a girl who is easy-going and not the type to get irrational and angry at the first chance they get.

I am getting to that level. Believe it or not dating is not something I am an expert in, especially in when it comes to men and what makes them stray...

But now I know what it takes to hold onto a man and keep him.

Everything is not going always work out, and yes their will be kinks in a relationship...but maintain the balance and just try to keep PEACE and his mind at ease (he should be doing the same).

If you really love him, hold on your man.

Friday, July 3, 2009


Trust. Trust is the major factor in relationship.
It can be especially hard if you had several other relationship and they all lost your trust.
We are forced in the world to make a relationship work or to move on and find another.
Once you find that other person to be a potential mate, the challenge is the trust!

I have only been in two relationships(serious) in mylife. I thought my previous relationship was set in stone. Forever. First love. Bliss. Yeah that lasted for 3 year.
So I was forced to move on and just say whatever to relationships.
When I got into my next relationship our whole dating expierience was a "trust" issue.

Not the cheating issue of trust. Moreso of me falling in love.
I did everything in my power to not speed up the process. I didnt want to make any mistakes.
Most of all I didnt want his charm to decieve me. He was so so charming and I just didnt believe it.

I was just thinking he is only doing this to get what he wants.
He is not this nice. But he was! He was the nicest man I ever met.
He promised me that he would prove to me that he was different than most...and had did.
But it still took me a while because inside I was still skeptical. I have had my heart shattered.
Into 1 million pieces. It was so hard to believe because I was not used to what he was offering me.

My walls was built thick and hard. I had so many restrictions.
I was a big flashy red warning sign to "DO NOT TRESSPASS" right across my heart.
I could not go through the pain again of getting hurt. Many times again, he assured me that he was not going anywhere and wasnt not going to cause me harm.

I finally started to trust...and the charm started to wear off.
Maybe my trust issues took a toll on him, so looking back on it I can say I was maybe too cautious. Maybe my protecting myself I too it alittle to far.

When you build these boundaries and keep thinking that you will not be able to trust someone with the most prize possession that you hold, your heart, you can also get the same response.
The other person could start to not Trust you.

You build brick walls instead of bridges can sometimes be a bad thing.
Yes it is hard to trust people, whether its your family members, friend, or lover.
But when it comes to your heart, stick with your intution. If you want it to work TRUST.
TRUST in everything and have FAITH!

Stop doubting the process, because when you doubt you allow negativity to flood your relationship.

So I have learn through the power of optimism that in order to keep peace in your life you have to stay POSITIVE. TRUST WITH ALL OF YOU MIGHT!
Even if you been hurt more times than you can bear, if you want something, believe in something, and pray for your relationship, everything will fall into place and there will be nothing to worry about.

Stop accusing(**points finger at self**)
Stop wishing the worst.
Stop having all of these restrictons.
Believe the person that you truly care about, let them look you in your eyes, and every word.

Of course people are going to lie.
People are going to be sneaky.
But I believe the more TRUST that is in a relationship the better.

Remember this though:
If trust is broken on numerous occassion and you forgave, but he/she keeps breaking your trust. Leave it alone. Especially if you look the person in the eye and they made a promise to not break your trust any longer, move along.

Again its hard to trust, but to have it broken repeatedly by the same person is bad.



Thursday, July 2, 2009


First posting for my personal blog.

This is a blog is in constrast to my first blog @

I got the idea to create this blog from the famous words that people overuse of LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH. Yes I love that quote to death, i definetly love laughing...but I need to LEARN.

Living was a given. We were all born to live this so-called "life". We were also put here to love and to find love. But the most important lesson of it all is to LEARN.

So this blog will be my learning lessons of living & loving.

It can be very hard and stressful. Sometimes I do feel alone with my feelings because it seems like everyone has their own problems to attend expressing myself is hard.

I am not the type to give up because life is hard. Yes I may get pissed, worried, sad...but I always keep it moving. God is my ultimate streghten to get me to this follow me while I fall and get bruised up some, and let the healing process began.

By Kiwi