Saturday, September 26, 2009


I hate rain, the rain sucks, but we have to deal with it right? Even though it rains and we may not like it there is a reason for it and without it things wont grow right?

When it is raining outside people's mood changes. They do not want to go out, they get lazy, or they might be in a crappy mood-all because of the weather. Who says you have to be in a crappy mood because its raining?

Rain is much like our lives. The emotions and despair and sad times in our life rain represents. If you are unemployed, having relationship issues, having family issues, having life issues, that is rain. Every complication in our life is rain, because it can't always be sunny in our lives or we wont GROW.

Now it may not be pretty outside, but your attitude on it doesnt have to make your life miserable. It might even surprise you to do the opposite, to actually learn to smile in the rain because you know sunshine is coming soon. You know it doesnt rain forever!

Why sulk because its raining? Why sulk because your life is not "perfect" right now? Why be upset because you need some rain in your life to get an understanding and to grow. It rains outside because things need to grow and we need water to survive. We might not like it but the negative things in our lives happen because we need to grow and find ways to survive our adversity!

I hate the rain, the rain can mess up situations and throw a curveball in your life that was unexpectant, but crying while its raining is not going to make it better is it? When you watch movies or TV show when it rains it is usually a situation where something bad or dramatic is happening, but dont turn on the DRAMATICS in your life just because the weather sucks.

Its hard and its raining outside doesn't make the situation better, but believe sunshine is coming. The weather will be beautiful again and you will be even more happier because you was able to withstand the storm and now your able to enjoy the sun being out again.

Learn: Dont let the weather mess up your mood or life. Sometimes the rain is good so that you can wash away things that are unable to handle the storms, and when it all over beautiful things grow from it.

Friday, September 18, 2009


In my previous post I talked about WHAT MATTERS, and your COMFORT ZONE matters alot in a relationship. Sometimes that is the hardest thing when seeking a mate, its not all about attraction or just liking them is can you be comfortable around them?

In the beginning of most relationship we try our best to put on the beautiful front that we are "perfect" and that there are barely an flaws with us. After the 6 month mark usually you start letting down some walls and breaking barriers, and maybe the REAL YOU starts to reveal. It may not necessarily be a bad thing, it just things you used to restrict yourself to the other person in fear they would JUDGE YOU. Try to make a great impression and put on this facade and cover up little things so that you wouldnt push them away.

But over time you get used to a person. You get so used to them you start to feel COMFORTABLE and that you can be YOURSELF! That is the best part that if after you can chill with someone with no restrictions, barriers, and reservations and they accept you FLAWS & ALL. When you are around that person you can let loose and just be free.

Its a deeper connnection as well when you reach that ultimate comfort zone with that person. When you are around that person you relax, laugh, and there is no fear in too much of anything because just being in their prescence makes you comfortable. You can be around them and things just feel "right" and there is no nervousness or timid feelings.

When you kiss them its natural. When you hug them its natural. When you cuddle with them its natural. Everything with that person is just a "natural chemistry" and doing things with them is just easy and effortless. Thats what makes the bond so strong that you are so comfortable with one another you do not have to think too hard to do things, you just do them and GO WITH THE FLOW.

When you find a person that you can "just be" with and everything fall into place, it is BEAUTIFUL. It wonderful because doesn't take too much to "impress" this person because they are impressed with the beauty of you alone.

Learn: One of the most important things in a relationship is being totally comfortable with the one you are with. Once your comfortable there will not be too many things that can destroy that bond unless you get TOO COMFORTABLE. When you finally comfortable with someone everything else will be natural and easy to trust them with the REAL YOU.


Most of us in life are so busy looking for the wrong things...thinking too hard about the wrong things...and we forget WHAT MATTERS. So what does matter in life?

Well everyone has their own perception of what is important in their lives and what is SUPPOSE to matter. In reality people are so disillusion because they do not know the difference between what is SUPERFICIAL vs REAL so of course we can easily get things confused.

Little things should NOT matter. Something that is not going to last past next year should not matter. But the problem is that we cannot see the FUTURE should again how do we know if something matters or not? What should you invest your time in, what should you get rid of, what is important?

Your future is important. After a while you have to see what is ahead of you. What is your life plans? Do you hold the blueprint to your life or are your walking around in the dark with no flashlight? What is important is your HAPPINESS! What is important is your getting rid of things that are not going to fit into your master plans for the future.

Its okay to be confused about what matters because everything is based on trials and errors. But what you do need to pay attention is to your INTUITION. Do you get bad vibes around someone? Do you hear a little voice that says maybe this is not a good situation? Do you know the difference between what is a temporary feeling and what is a perment lingering feeling that wont go away?

What is going to make your life better? What is the solution to a problem? Most importantly what is LOGICAL?That is what matters the most is the logic of any situation if it is not going to make your life better or if it makes a situation worse.

We all have a little voice inside of us that speaks the truth in what matters. The voice is so little that we may not hear it very well or we ignore it, but the voice still speaks. Its up to us to open our ears and pay attention to what matters, before we keep surrounding ourselves with superfical, meanlingless, & disappointing things.

Learn: What matters the most is for you to move forward with your future goals and not backwards. Stop giving energy to things that you know in the LONG RUN does not matter. Only you can decifer what matters within yourself the answer will reveil itself or you will figure it out the hard way.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Wouldn't it be great if we could make our own perfect mate. The perfect fairytale, happily ever after relationship? Sorry Disney tales doesn't apply to real life.

Wouldnt it be great if the person that we always wanted appeared before your eyes. That person has the perfect figure, perfect face, perfect personality, almost as if they popped out of your Dreams? Everything you always wanted was right in front of you with NO FLAWS?

I think life was made for us to not have perfect relationship. There has to be some issues or problems in order to learn and grow from them. But I think the bulk of the reasons why alot of people get frustrated in relationships, men & woman, because we expect so much from a person and believe that if this person doesn't have want we want, there is that PERFECT SOMEONE out there.

Unfortunately we do not have the power to CREATE THE PERFECT MATE. Disney is dead and our reality cannot be made into one of our favorite childhood movies. We cannot expect that because our relationship is not as perfect as we alway imagined it to be that its easier to keep thinking "MR. or MS. PERFECT" is out there.

Even if you meet someone and they seem as if everything is great, minimal problems, there will always be a stimpulation somewhere down the line because that is LIFE. You wasn't raised in a perfect family, you dont have perfect friends, and look in the mirror & evalutate yourself that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT either. Everything is a work in progress, and unfortunately in life relationships are the hardest ones that will take a lifetime to master.

We aere not suppose to be in control of our relationships all the way. If we try to manipulate, be someone we are not, put n the fake face, create an illusion of a beautiful fairytale, the end result will turn into a horrible nightmare because WE ARE NOT THE CREATORS OF DESTINY. We are suppose to just follow the path and go in the right direction not try to reconstruct to make our own DESIGNER RELATIONSHIP. YOU WILL FAIL.

Just take the right path, even if the yellow brick road is long, it will be the journey that will take you home for a happy life & lasting relationship. Just dont try to force and recreate it, because the obstacles of reality are better than fake fairytales.

Learn: Walt Disney created the perfect fairytales. We are not the illustrators of our lives or our relationships. Sometimes things have to happen naturally through lessons and patience before we can appreciate our happily ever after.


I got the idea to write this because all of yesterday my mother was playing all the oldies but goodie music. You know the music from like the '50s & '60s and she explained that this is when love was REAL and GENUINE. I think she had a point.

She said this is when people actually dance, slow danced, and you could feel the chemistry instantly. It was romantic and pure, unlike today where the music is too fast to slow dance & not so romantic anymore.

Now being an 80s babies I have no clue what the 50's or 60s were like but I pretty sure it was beautiful. When men actually used to COURT (to try to obtain companionship) a female & swoon her.
  • He would actually call not text her. If she was not home I am pretty sure he would call until he was able to reach her or leave a respectable message to return the call back.
  • He would arrange real dates (not a time where you can "chill") and pick the girl up and drop her home.
  • He would enjoy long walks in the park to get to know the girl on a deeper level and that would be considered romantic.
  • He would write letters or poems expressing his love or his desire to be with the female. If he knew how to sing or play an instrument he would serenade her with a song.
  • He would compliment the lady telling her that she was beautiful(not sexy) and you can see the sincerity in his eyes.
  • When he did express himself to the woman, he would look her deep in her eyes and pour out his soul and say the most beautiful words that maybe in present day times we would only hear in movies.
  • He wouldn't play games or lead the woman on. He would do everything he can to pursue & keep her in fear another man would take his place.
  • He would be the perfect gentleman, care about his appearance, you could take him home to momma, and was responsible & generous.
  • He would make sure he told the world that he loved his woman and no one could break that bond. If anyone had anything bad to say about his woman he would defend and fight for her.
  • He would not rush things, he respected her, took his time so that she didnt feel pressured to do things until the the time was right (it wasnt about just sex and then off to the next).
  • He wouldn't mind going out his way for his woman because she would be worth it and he wanted a future with her.

As my mom played the music I started to realize that maybe in this day in age we do have a disconnect when it comes to relationships. The reason why there we plenty of marriages and less divorces back in those days is because of how they handled their relationships. Everything I listed, I am not saying people do not do this today but it is not very common.

Now and days people are too angry, we all want to rush things, we want things our way, we are all a little too selfish, we focus on only today and not tomorrow, but most importantly we forget to put in that EXTRA EFFORT to obtain and keep the relationship going. People are not into the "romantic" spectrum of a relationship.

We do not express to each other on a regular how much we mean to each other anymore. We take each other for granted because people are like buses "miss one next 15 one is coming" mentality so the risk of losing your loved one is rare because we are always seeking a replacement.

Maybe we do need a little help. We needed to see more of loving relationships in the home. We need to see more examples of relationships lasting instead of hearing divorces & paternity testing on the rise. We do need to take it back to the old school and really FEEL love instead of just CLAIMING love or emotions. We need to reach a little deeper because the good old days are not gone, we just need to practice the art of ROMANCE again.

Learn: Music is not what makes a relationship but the atmosphere can set the mood. Do not forget to keep romance alive and the chemistry strong. Sometimes we have to slow dance to feel real Passion, instead of always speeding up the pace and it disintegrates.

Monday, September 14, 2009


I just did my blog on LOSING BELONGINGS and now I want to focus on when people depend on people too much in a relationship that they LOSE THEMSELVES!

I never understood how people get into a relationship and solely "depend" on that person for everything. Its like that person becomes their life supply & they can't leave the relationship because they will not have anything. I am specifically talking about females who think they need to be with a man for "financial reasons" the most.

They are unhappy, they want to cheat, they want to run because their boyfriend is getting on their nerves. But no matter how miserable they are they cannot leave because he pretty much takes care of that person and without him she can't survive properly. Or maybe the girl is not miserable, maybe she is content in the relationship because her man give her everything...

But there is something wrong with that. In a way you will need to be self-sufficient because if something happens then what? Would that girl leave the guy? Would she find another "provider" who can take care of her and start the cycle again? Or would she step up to the plate and do what is necessary to reverse roles and take care of her man? The later option rarely happens with most females who are dependent on a man.

Its great if your boyfriend is supportive & a great provider and he does what is necessary to make sure the girl and him is taken care of, but sometimes it also handicaps these females. I have friends who if their boyfriends broke up with them today, they would be so lost & confused and feel like they do not know what to do.

This is how some girls LOSE themselves. They wont get a job because thats what their boyfriend is there for. They wont go to school or aspire to do something better for themselves because their boyfriend is going to always give them what they want and need(financially) so there is no point on doing anything extra. There are some females who have to put up with so much of the dependency that they might have a controlling or even abusive boyfriend and they mentally strip that girl of even her freedom(because he is in control).

Nothing is wrong with wanting a man to take care of you. As woman we are seeking strong, stable men who can be great providers not only for us, but for the future foundation of possibly a family. I kind of understand why there are some lost females and they are so dependent on other men because they lack that "strong male provider figure" in the household so they seek in into adulthood.

My point in this post is just NEVER just solely depend on anyone for your STABILITY. Even emotionally do not give all of yourself to one person and you have nothing left. You have to be in CONTROL of you and YOUR DESIRES. If you give someone the power to make you feel as if without them you are stuck, it will be your own fault. BE STRONG and learn to HELP YOURSELF.

**Please try not to put yourself in a situation where your FORCED to be with someone because of the dependency, not because you truly want to be with them.

Learn: Dependency can isolate you. There is a difference between having someone support you and just depending on someone for everything. Make sure you have some control in your life or you will be a SLAVE to your relationship.


Ever heard of the saying you dont know what you got until its gone? Ever lost something and didnt think nothing of it until you realized you needed it? Its funny how you start to appreciate things once its missing in your life.

All of us are given things in life. It may not be everything you want, when you want it, how exactly you want it, but you are still given something and its up to you to figure out how to utilize it and KEEP IT. Sometimes we loose the stupidest stuff, things that do not matter or can be replaced.

Somethings are hard to purchase. It might be too expensive or unattainable to retrieve again. Somethings are simply priceless or one-of-a-kind. So if you lose out on something like that maybe its gone FOREVER. So with things that we have, we have to be careful not to do anything to lose it for GOOD.

The littlest things or a slight moment of irresponsiblity or absent-mindeness you can lose. Maybe its burried somewhere, maybe you left it behind somewhere, or maybe it was even stolen. Or maybe you were nice enough to let someone borrow what belonged to you, and somehow you never get it back.

Well here is how things work in life when things are lost. Most things are lost but are not lost forever. Yes as humans we are careless, unappreciateve of what we had that we might of utlize on a daily basis but for the most part belongings can be retrieved.

It may take times, a lot of research, digging, and most importantly DETERMINATION to get what is rightfully yours. Most people in life take the easy way (or so they think) out thought. They believe what they had is lost forever, never gonna get it again, poof in thin air and they GIVE UP and try to REPLACE what was lost instead. Instead of backtracing steps and figuring out where things went missing in the first place, they get a new item.

Sometimes just because its new doesn't make it better. Sometimes if what you lost is worth finding again, its worth saving & getting a replacement & making sure you never lose it again. What if what you lost is actually found?

Would you take better care of it? Would you protect it? Or what if what you lost was never lost in the first place? What if it is nearby and you just keep overlooking it? Sometimes all it takes is for you to concentrate and what you lost will reappear. If you are searching for a missing item in your life just be very careful not to LOSE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS.

Remember "Sometimes you have to lose things because if its meant for you to have it will come back. If not it was never really yours to begin with."

Learn: People lose things all the time. If your lucky enough to recover it, take better care of it before it gone forever. Somethings are irreplaceable.

Friday, September 11, 2009


I am a very affectionate person! I guess I kind of grew up on it because my family insisted on being affectionate & I love it. We all do actually.

The best part about most relationshiops whether we think so or not is the "affection" part of it. Seeing someone and something as simple as a hug can make you feel closer to someone. The best part of affection to me is actually kissing someone.

When you kiss someone you can feel the instant chemistry or connection. If you kiss someone and do not feel it then you know there is nothing there. I love kissing (even if it isn't french) just to give that energy to someone lights me up. I like something as simple as holding someone's hand because again, that little gesture you can feel the energy. I love affection most of all because just being the the prescence of someone and their energy(especially if you have a strong connection) makes me feel ALIVE.

I know it seems like this is natural for me to say this because I am a FEMALE but men secretly crave affection as well. Yes men act hard, not the ones to express emotions, but what they do want is the touch of a female. Single or in a relationship men want affection just as much (if not more) than females do.

Iread in a book that men of course show their affection more with the usage of sex. Yes they enjoy cuddling, kissing, holding hands just like we do but they can express their affection better with sex. Now I know every female a man has sex with he doesnt have to have a "connection" with, but that is their way of recieving it. If they are single and they are bouncing from female to female, subconciosly that is their way of getting their affection. A great reason why men cheat is because if the girl they care about does not give them or cant give them the affection that he needs, then thats is why he will seek it in another woman.

Men can be hard, joke with the boys, watch sports, play games, etc...but at the end of the day deep down he wants to be near a gentle woman. Its all about balance. Women are naturally soft, nuturing, caring people in which we do sometimes need a man to embrace their rough side (not abuse though) as a sense of "security" and "masculinity". Men are naturally hard & need to be even out with the prescence of a "feminitiy" and just a touch of a woman can make a man feel complete.

The more affection you get from a person, the closer the bond and the more the connection is established. Sometimes you get around a person and its like a magnetic force and it pulls you closer to them. If you are lacking REAL affection: not just bouncing from person to person (sexually), not just dating for the sake of "dating", or you just do not have that special one near you at the moment---Dont settle for less than you desire just because you don't have it. Get as much as you want, when you want it, from the right person. Everybody doesn't deserve your affection-unless the connection with that person is REAL and cant be ignored.

Learn: Affection is what all of us needs. When we have that incomplete & lonely feeling, its because we desire that human connection touch from a special person. Remember the more positive affection you have with a person--the stronger the bond will be. Its beautiful.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I got the idea for this post last night while listening to an old Trey Songz song "Can't Help But Wait" is how I feel.

I am the type of person that I do listen to the words of songs and try to connect them with my life. Usually when I heard this song it reminded me of someone in particular because he claimed it reminded me of our the time I didnt appreciate that reference as much as I do now. Its crystal clear to me now...

See sometimes relationships can be extremely difficult and complicated. Too much baggage, can't let go of somethings, hard to get rid of people, emotions run high so sometimes you feel like you are stuck or obligated to these "FEELINGS' well at least with me. There was a point in my life I was fighting to get rid of someone but I just couldn't emotionally. I felt like there was a string or something that kept pulling me backwards but I was trying to move FORWARD, but was petrified to break the string.The person was BAD for me and the GOOD person was right in front of my eyes. I was so lost it was ridiculous.

And sometimes people see that your lost and they can choose to leave you alone or wait for you to get it together and be there waiting. I never understood why at the time the person who seen me going through this madness thought I was anything "worth waiting for" because at the time I didn't think I was. But he seen sometimes in me that I didn't, and now I do understand now, I am worth waiting for! Some people are worth waiting for, if you believe in them. Sometimes our spirits know more than we do, and if you short-change the process you will never see what is yet to come. There is a reason why things happen and we will all find out soon, thats why we WAIT.

Being young, relationship can be so frustrating and complicated because again THERE ARE NO CLASSES ON RELATIONSHIPS and I am pretty sure there are not too many great examples on how to handle them properly.So patience has to come in. You have to trust the process of what you want will come in full circle if you do the right things. Yeah everything is not going to go your way, you will be DISAPPOINTED, but relationships are always a work in progress...always(even in marriage). So back to the song...Cant help but who am I waiting for?

It may not be anybody in particular or it might be time for me just to WAIT on LIFE to lead me to the person I am meant to be with. I am waiting for the opportunity for a good man to see me for who I am. That I am perfectly imperfect, that I have flaws, but internally have the most loving and giving spirit and willing to share myself unconditionally. That I am not a little girl, but a growing, maturing young lady who has been heartbroken in the past but willing to open up, be honest, and be loyal & committing to an honorable guy.

I can't help but wait until the day that old grudges, past failed relationships, petty nonsense, and even hurtful events can be left in the past and not effect the future anymore. No more carry burdens and just finally being free and honest & ready to be open to me and TRUST ME & accept me FLAWS & ALL.

I have been fighting patience all my life and for the first time in my life I am welcoming THE WAIT. Because in the end it will be worth it. In the end not only I will get what I want, but whoever took the chance to believe in me will also reap the benefits because it will be a UNITY. Both parties would have grown & seen that life isn't as complicated as us humans make it...just have to be patient and do things with PURE INTENTIONS.

You cant expect things to be perfect, you can't always get your way, you can't do bad things and expect good things to just have to be patience & speak GOOD THINGS into existence. It may take time but if you know what you want and willing to wait for it, it will come & thats when true happiness will kick in. Dont rush a GREAT thing. Play your position in life accordingly...and the wait will be worth your while.

Learn: Good things come to those who WAIT. Wait for long-term great results...instead of receiving & accepting short-term instant gratification that diminishes quickly.


This is about to get deep. I am about to say somethings directed to men, not anyone in particular, but if anything in this post strike a nerve with you then I am probably talking about YOU!

The shame of a man. Probably started with Adam & Eve when he ate that apple that Eve gave to him. Yes he knew he shouldn't have followed Eve, he know eating that apple was WRONG, buth e did it anyways. Most men today still have alot of "Adam" in them today. They know they should not be doing anything that might be breaking rules, but they do it anyways.

You have a girl. You care about her, you tell her you would not hurt her or lie to her, but yet you do anyways. You live by the rules "What she doesn't know wont hurt her" because you want to have you cake and eat it too. Sure maybe it was a "one time thing" but it led into several other occasions because you didn't get caught the 1st time.

So your lies multiply, because again you haven't got caught and you kind of enjoy having this secret life but deep down inside you know you are doing wrong. When does the shame kick in? Does it even occur to your when you look into her eyes? When she is smiling and laughing with you because she thinks she has someone she can TRUST. She know that most guys are DOGS but gave you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't because every time she questioned you somehow you convinced her that you was being GOOD.

But you aren't as good as you portray are you? While she is not in your presence or talking to you on the phone, somehow the Adam in you tells you to do something outside the relationship because maybe you think your INVINCIBLE. Is that what it is? Your invincible? You will never get caught? You will keep your POKERFACE on and sugarcoat everything you do because you want THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.

Does it even occur to you while you are doing your deeds that this would hurt her if she found out? Does she even pop in your mind when you are out doing your thing...does that voice every speak to you and tell you what you are doing is WRONG? How could you lie to her? How could you tell her your doing one thing, but you actually are doing another? How could you have that woman believe the you are faithful and trustworthy, but simultaneously secretly breaking all trust?

Does you head hang low when you are finish "doing you"? This is such a mans world and maybe you feel like you have the right to explore your options while the girl you care about is left in the dark believing everything is almost perfect between you. Women have intuition, and sometimes she questions you, but you reassure her everything is okay and not to worry when she SHOULD. She may not know it, but every twinge of insecurity is for a reason because sometimes things doesn't add up, but because of her TRUST in you she shakes it off.

But are you really that SELFISH? That you will have that poor girl being loyal to you like a DOG who would never bite the hand that feeds her because she would be too scared to lose you, but yet you do it to her. Why couldn't you be LOYAL? Is it the DOG in you that made you cocky enough to believe what is in the dark wont come out in the light? That as long as you keep it to yourself, nothing is wrong? That maybe what you did you can leave in the past, in the back of your mind, and keep going on like you never did it?

But you did! The Damage is done. Its written in history whether you want to continue to keep lying or feel like you can stop and go as you please. You are deceitful and you are joining lots of men who secretly hold that SHAME in their heart like you. So you don't feel as bad because maybe most men you know can relate to you and why you do what you do. BUT what about that VOICE inside of you...the voice that tell you "this is very wrong, your gonna hurt her if she finds out".

But what if the tables turned? What if while you were believing she was LOYAL and that you had nothing to worry about, she was doing DIRTY behind your back? How would you feel? Would you be outraged, hurt, deceived, blind-sighted, shocked, appalled, or pissed? So how could you have those emotions toward her if she did them if you can freely do them and not feel the emotions of what you did to her? Why doesn't that ever cross your mind?

This is not to make you feel guilty, because if you are not doing wrong or never done anything wrong you should have nothing to feel guilty about in the first place. Just remember the same girl you hurt, who trusted you, believed you, adored you, defended you, loyal to you, is the one you CONSTANTLY LIE TO. Adam stop eating tainted apples, because just like Eve opened her eyes and seen the TRUTH, she will too and you will pay the ultimate consequence and it wont be pretty. The damage is already done though...but have you admitted to it or are you still in denial?

Learn: Men stop hurting & breaking these females hearts. All men are not dogs but if you put yourself in that category to lie to the girl you care about then you will be one. The hardest thing for a women to do is to give 100% her trust in a man in a world when most men lie to get what they want. Give her 100% reasons to trust you so that you wont be carry the burden of SHAME in your spirit.

**What she doesn't know will hurt her eventually.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I dedicated this post to one of my closest friends (she know who she is). You shared with me what has been happening and I want to relate to you...THE TRUTH.

They always say "the truth hurts" and it does. We always demand the truth, ask someone to be honest, dont lie, and when the truth is revealed what do you do with it? Especially if it is something you didnt want to hear...if it is something painful and heartbreaking?

When the truth is revealed that someone kept a secret, they have been lying to you, the did something deceitful behind your back...all the while when they wanted you to "trust" them. So now that you know the truth, will you cut them off or will you work through it?

You shared with me that you are at are confused at what to do. I know its difficult because you asked for the "truth" and now the "truth" might ruin your relationship. Will you forgive or will you move on? It doesn't matter if it was a "one time" thing...its been done and it was WRONG!

But is it wrong for you to still care for that person? Is it wrong to still have feelings for this person who betrayed you even if what they did hurt you to the core? Is it wrong to still want to work through it and try to give him another chance?

Does he feel guilt? Does he think about what he did and how this hurts you? Does he not understand that what you guys shared he shared with someone else? While you were giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though you were miles apart, you TRUSTED him and he did "his thing". You stayed true, kept to yourself, because you were LOYAL!

LOYALTY & TRUST goes hand in hand. He broke both of those bonds with LIES. So will you be able to bounce back from that? While you cry to yourself, does he even care? Does he understand your pain hit hard not because of the "situation" but because you and him had HISTORY, not a day, weeks, months, but years of a CONNECTION! That is why it hurts right?

I bet he doesnt even understand that yes the truth hurts you, but the lies hurt even more. That you were blinded because you wanted to believe he was HONEST. You wanted to have that glimmer of hope that he "was not like the other guys, he wouldn't do that"at least not to you. Yes you guys relationship was complicated, and the title was a little unclear...but what was clear that you guys had a CONNECTION that had the potential to grow into a beautiful relationship...and because of his SELFISHNESS things might change.

So what do you do with the TRUTH my friend? That is the million dollar question, and as I told you yesterday which ever decision you make just remember the BIG PICTURE. Does that person who lied to you can you see yourself with him long-term? Do you see his other qualities as good and maybe he can be trustworthy again? Will it be hard to let go because you know he is THE ONE? Do you LOVE him so much that maybe deep down inside you can see yourself getting past this because people do make stupid mistakes(even if it is out of selfishness).

I know the TRUTH hurts but at least your not in the DARK blind-sighted by lies which will carry over for months or even years because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Be happy the truth is out and moving forward there can be some resolution---instead of just believing or ASSUMING he was being faithful the entire time (TRUST ME I KNOW).

I rather know the painful truth with my eyes open wide, than be a fool in the dark and keep living lies.

Learn: The truth always comes out...but its up to you to make a decision on what to do with it. Dont have a relationship where you are being deceived, at least know and accept the TRUTH- then deal with it accordingly.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


Ever just been so happy that you glow from the inside out? Not that fake happiness when you just smile and put up a front for people, but GENUINE HAPPINESS?

That chick in the picture just looks like she is happy from the inside out and I want that again! I just wrote a post about being NUMB but forget that I want to be HUMBLE. Of course I am fully aware that I am not going to be happy everyday of my life, but I can be humble. To know that I can walk around and know that my life isn't perfect, but I am happy anyways.

Its called being grateful! I sometimes have a problem with that. I am so focused on what I dont have or what I lack sometimes that I forget to look around me and see what I should be grateful for. I sometimes look at other people 'situations and instantly think well my issues are not that bad compared to theirs.

I know everything isn't going my way, but you still have to find the happiness in life through the storm of bad weather. No matter what or your life will be DEPRESSING, and I do not like being depressed or sad for too long anyways. I want to be that girl who walks in a room and you can feel my positive energy.

My positive energy will be so strong that nothing negative can bring me down. I want to be able to rub off my good energy on other people. I have always been like that. I always wanted to bring out the happiness from others and just enjoy life with people. I know some people can try to rub off their negative energy, and its stagnant, but I for the most part do not like to bring others down or release negativity around other.

So my mission from now on is to be HUMBLE, HAPPY, & HONEST. Thats the only way to be at least for me. Once I do this and do this internally, I believe things will turn around full circle and GREAT THINGS will happen naturally & effortlessly.

Learn: To be honest with yourself and about your happiness. Happiness always starts from within and works itself outward, because if you fake it you wont make it. Be humble with your pride & push it to the side.


So I no longer can cry like this chick in this photo. Seriously...I think so much has happened so much in my life that I literally have no more tears left to cry.

I feel like tears do NOTHING. Its a stupid emotion and I been hurt and disappointed so much within the last couple of months I feel like there is nothing left. I feel like even if I am sad, there is a void to where I cant cry or even be upset anymore. Its almost like an emptiness feeling...I am numb to alot now.

This is not going to be a depressing post at all. I just think after all that is said and done, what is left to cry about? What is left? I feel like as soon as I am content or I get too happy, a DISASTER happens. So once you go through to many of them-you get emotionally stripped.

I am emotionally worn out. I am not bitter though. I do not walk around mad or hating the world or being negative. I just take it for what it is and believe it could be worse, or this is what I signed up for.We all signed up for this adventure called "Life" and I am on the roller coaster ride called "Life Sucks"...eventually this ride will end and hopefully soon.

What I am learning from this "numbness" that if this is making me "hard" or if this is as low as I can go...then there is no where to go now but UP. I have to turn my life around, my outlook, my demeanor, and be STRONG because that is the only thing I can be.

I cant worry about why me, or how come I keep getting hurt...I been there and done that too many times at my young age. I have to be a strong young woman and continue to fight. Fight for my desires, what I need and just stay determined and most importantly OPTIMISTIC...


Learn: To emotionally gather the strength to fight against everything that hurts. Stay positive and even if you are emotionally tapped out (numb) it is not the end. Something good always comes out of something bad. Always.