Friday, May 7, 2010

THE SERIAL MONAGAMIST: THIS PERSON NEVER STOPS DATING

What is a serial monagamist? It is a person who loves being in relationship, and if it ends with another persons- they jump to the next person immediately. You know how serial killers kill off people, serial monogamist kill off relationships!

They love the idea of a relationship, but hate the concept of just being single. They are always constantly dating or in a relationship. They never have a break, always on the prowl for a new relationship, rebound, companion, etc... This person has more issues than any single or person in a relationship. This is a major issue and will explain why.

We are all on a quest to have love & affection. We were born to do so. So naturally most people of this world would like to be in a relationship & find one person who they can be compatible with. We are also born into a world where we are single indivisuals and many of us hate being alone. Whether we be around friends & family or a love, people love to interact with others, so hey why be alone? When dating it can be fun, you find someone you like & even fall in love. What happens if it doesnt work out. Well people sometimes RUSH to fill the void of the last- because they CANNOT STAND LONILNESS!

Serial Monogamist love relationships. Not just regular relationships, dating short-term & breaking up quickly. They aspire long-term relationships, and usually have great relationships that last more than 6 months. The problem with serial monogamist is that they love long-term relationships, but they constantly always looking for someone else to have another with. They are never satisfied and always sees flaws in the person they are with. They are truly the personaification of seeking how green the grass is on the other side. That is always on their minds.

If they break up with someone, they always have a back-up or go find someone new instantly. Its never a break. Its New Date Partner-Relationship-Breakup- New Date Partner Cycle. Its like they need a validation of who they are in another person. They honestly do not know what the word "single" means. They need that affection from someone, and they never give things time to cool down from their last relationship. The solution to moving on is to Find Someone New Now! Once they find someone who they are attracted to and have some things in common it might be an immediate relationship or things are now serious with them.

Serial Monagamist also are low-key cheaters. If they are in a relationship they have some people they have on back-up just in case its time to break up. If they do break-up from a relationship, even if they are dating someone without a relationship, they still have several potential candidates they are also dating...just in case that person doesnt work out. Its a collection of back-up people and thats what makes them serial. Its an on-going pre-medidated process that they make sure not having someone isnt an option. Most of them expect the person to mess up & thats is then the #OnToTheNextOne cycle continues. The goal is to always have someone lined up on the bench to play the field! How is this person ever going to have a real long-term stable relationship with this mentality?

Here is the deal. I think everyone needs to experience being "single" on a real level. To not always "look" for the next person to date as a victim of a quest of a new relationship but just be. We need to learn to be by ourselves, get ourselves together, and even take time to get over the last person without always rushing to date so quickly. Constantly dating with no break is how future relationships can be destroyed. You have to adjust to another personality, you have to get to know them, and make sure you are compatible for the LONG RUN. Sometimes people just date for looks & sexual chemistry and if you do not find out who they really are you will end up with Attraction Dissatisifaction.

Its good to be by yourself sometimes. Yes it may seem horrible, especially if you have friends in relationships and you feel left out sometimes but its a maturing thing. Middle Schoolers & High Schoolers are usually the ones who can skip & move on to the next relationship within a week or a month. They do not know any better. Adults should not be on a quest looking for their next "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" but be on a quest looking for themselves. If you cannot be alone, why would someone want to be with you if YOU cant enjoy yout own company? What point are you proving that you can easily date after a breakup? There are millions of people in the world, so yes you can date but what about being with someone who truly loves you & that you are compatible & comfortable with? There are too many people, especially serial monogamist, who date for the sake of a selfish reason to not be alone.

What about being with someone who you dont have to compare to your ex? What about somone who makes you forget about all your pain in your last relationships? What about someone who wants to see you grow as a person? What about someone who compromises with you? What about someone who genuinely cares about you? What about someone who you can trust? What about someone who you know will always have your back? What about someone who has a forgiving heart? What about someone who has goals in life and are currently working on them? What about someone who has their own life but wants you to be apart of theirs?

The list can go on and on. The point being made is those questions cannot be explored to their fullest potential unless you dated that person for 6 months or more! You cannot possible know a person within a short time span. Serial Monogamist rarely get to know the person they are dating, but rather jump into a relationship & get to know them later so when it gets serious thats when they realize maybe the grass is greener on the other side again. Give people plenty of time to get to know them, and most importantly get to know yourself! Many problems do not lie in the person you are dating, but YOU! If you are always the person who has to break up with someone or little things constantly bothers you, it may be YOU that is the main issue. To which is why many of us need to be single, so that we can define ourselves clearly, work on our flaws, and then learn to have healthier relationships.

Its never healthy to jump from relationship to relationship. Sometimes the healthiest realtionship you can have is peace of mind with yourself. If you get yourself together properly, then you wont have to seek out the perfect companion, things will happen NATURALLY. STOP RUSHING RELATIONSHIPS & KILLING THEM. If you just cant be alone, spend more happy times with friends & family- dating isnt the only option to cure lonliness.

Learn: Happiness begans when you stop wanting. The issues is that when you seek happiness in someone else instead of being happy with yourself. You will stop wanting when your happy alone for awhile so that you can find someone who is equal happy alone and that is the perfect match! That is the secret to happy relationships!

1 comment:

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