THE SERIAL MONAGAMIST: THIS PERSON NEVER STOPS DATING

What is a serial monagamist? It is a person who loves being in relationship, and if it ends with another persons- they jump to the next person immediately. You know how serial killers kill off people, serial monogamist kill off relationships!

They love the idea of a relationship, but hate the concept of just being single. They are always constantly dating or in a relationship. They never have a break, always on the prowl for a new relationship, rebound, companion, etc... This person has more issues than any single or person in a relationship. This is a major issue and will explain why.

We are all on a quest to have love & affection. We were born to do so. So naturally most people of this world would like to be in a relationship & find one person who they can be compatible with. We are also born into a world where we are single indivisuals and many of us hate being alone. Whether we be around friends & family or a love, people love to interact with others, so hey why be alone? When dating it can be fun, you find someone you like & even fall in love. What happens if it doesnt work out. Well people sometimes RUSH to fill the void of the last- because they CANNOT STAND LONILNESS!

Serial Monogamist love relationships. Not just regular relationships, dating short-term & breaking up quickly. They aspire long-term relationships, and usually have great relationships that last more than 6 months. The problem with serial monogamist is that they love long-term relationships, but they constantly always looking for someone else to have another with. They are never satisfied and always sees flaws in the person they are with. They are truly the personaification of seeking how green the grass is on the other side. That is always on their minds.

If they break up with someone, they always have a back-up or go find someone new instantly. Its never a break. Its New Date Partner-Relationship-Breakup- New Date Partner Cycle. Its like they need a validation of who they are in another person. They honestly do not know what the word "single" means. They need that affection from someone, and they never give things time to cool down from their last relationship. The solution to moving on is to Find Someone New Now! Once they find someone who they are attracted to and have some things in common it might be an immediate relationship or things are now serious with them.

Serial Monagamist also are low-key cheaters. If they are in a relationship they have some people they have on back-up just in case its time to break up. If they do break-up from a relationship, even if they are dating someone without a relationship, they still have several potential candidates they are also dating...just in case that person doesnt work out. Its a collection of back-up people and thats what makes them serial. Its an on-going pre-medidated process that they make sure not having someone isnt an option. Most of them expect the person to mess up & thats is then the #OnToTheNextOne cycle continues. The goal is to always have someone lined up on the bench to play the field! How is this person ever going to have a real long-term stable relationship with this mentality?

Here is the deal. I think everyone needs to experience being "single" on a real level. To not always "look" for the next person to date as a victim of a quest of a new relationship but just be. We need to learn to be by ourselves, get ourselves together, and even take time to get over the last person without always rushing to date so quickly. Constantly dating with no break is how future relationships can be destroyed. You have to adjust to another personality, you have to get to know them, and make sure you are compatible for the LONG RUN. Sometimes people just date for looks & sexual chemistry and if you do not find out who they really are you will end up with Attraction Dissatisifaction.

Its good to be by yourself sometimes. Yes it may seem horrible, especially if you have friends in relationships and you feel left out sometimes but its a maturing thing. Middle Schoolers & High Schoolers are usually the ones who can skip & move on to the next relationship within a week or a month. They do not know any better. Adults should not be on a quest looking for their next "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" but be on a quest looking for themselves. If you cannot be alone, why would someone want to be with you if YOU cant enjoy yout own company? What point are you proving that you can easily date after a breakup? There are millions of people in the world, so yes you can date but what about being with someone who truly loves you & that you are compatible & comfortable with? There are too many people, especially serial monogamist, who date for the sake of a selfish reason to not be alone.

What about being with someone who you dont have to compare to your ex? What about somone who makes you forget about all your pain in your last relationships? What about someone who wants to see you grow as a person? What about someone who compromises with you? What about someone who genuinely cares about you? What about someone who you can trust? What about someone who you know will always have your back? What about someone who has a forgiving heart? What about someone who has goals in life and are currently working on them? What about someone who has their own life but wants you to be apart of theirs?

The list can go on and on. The point being made is those questions cannot be explored to their fullest potential unless you dated that person for 6 months or more! You cannot possible know a person within a short time span. Serial Monogamist rarely get to know the person they are dating, but rather jump into a relationship & get to know them later so when it gets serious thats when they realize maybe the grass is greener on the other side again. Give people plenty of time to get to know them, and most importantly get to know yourself! Many problems do not lie in the person you are dating, but YOU! If you are always the person who has to break up with someone or little things constantly bothers you, it may be YOU that is the main issue. To which is why many of us need to be single, so that we can define ourselves clearly, work on our flaws, and then learn to have healthier relationships.

Its never healthy to jump from relationship to relationship. Sometimes the healthiest realtionship you can have is peace of mind with yourself. If you get yourself together properly, then you wont have to seek out the perfect companion, things will happen NATURALLY. STOP RUSHING RELATIONSHIPS & KILLING THEM. If you just cant be alone, spend more happy times with friends & family- dating isnt the only option to cure lonliness.

Learn: Happiness begans when you stop wanting. The issues is that when you seek happiness in someone else instead of being happy with yourself. You will stop wanting when your happy alone for awhile so that you can find someone who is equal happy alone and that is the perfect match! That is the secret to happy relationships!

OTHERS OPINION CAN STEER YOU THE WRONG DIRECTION

Too many of us are seeking validation in other people. This society makes us question our own morals & value and even what we like. Its safe to say that were are easily molded and also easily manipulated because of this as well. Are you easily manipulated?

If you feel the need to always questions your feelings, you always having an internal battle between what you believe is right & what the world think you should do...there is an larger issue. See we go to school and we are taught the basics of life, but we are rarely taught to listen to ourselves. We always need to run to someone for advice, to ask them if what we feel is the right thing to do, and look at our surrounding to see what everyone else is doing and try to follow suit.

The reason why many of us are confused in life is because we are scared of our own thoughts. We are afraid to listen to our own selves because of the PERCEPTION of others. Someone out there always has an opinion of us, and for some reason that is important. We take their opinions into consideration moreso than our own beliefs. It is even worst when we are listening to the people closest to us, because that is who has our best interest at heart (or so it seems).

What we fail to realize is that even the people closest to us cannot validate who we are. Yes they might not want to steer you in the wrong direction but they might. We are easily manipulated by the ones closest to us because they are the ones steady giving us TOXIC ADVICE. Its because we as a people need that extra approval of others, the acceptance & the unity we feel the need to cancel out our own beliefs for theirs. Thats a sad view sometimes, you can still be apart of your unity & be accept and follow your own belief system.

If your friends want to go somewhere do you feel obligated to go just because that what most of them want to do? Do your parents tell you what you should and shouldn't do because they believe they know whats best for you? If there is a new trend and everyone is doing it, do you feel the need to try it out for acceptance? Is there something bothering you that you really want to do but everyone around you is saying things that contradict your feelings?

All of these questions are the reasons people get off track. It is the battle between you and other people's opinion. Deep down you want to do something, but you dont want others to keep telling you the opposite. You do things sometimes even when you dont wanna do it because you dont want to be left out. You listen to others and seek advice about your issues because you need that VALIDATION that what you feel is in alignment with others. It doesnt have to.

We are all programmed with our very own road map that leads us all to our own seperate designation. Our own GPS system that tells us where to go in life. It doesnt match up with other people, its is only programmed to your roadmap and no two people have the same route. So when we feel lost & confused why do we feel the need to ask others for direction to our destination? If you continue to listen to other people you are gonna make wrong turns,detours & dead ends because they have NO IDEA where you are going! They are probably lost themselves and have the nerve to tell you where you need to go. Those people need to worry about their own GPS system and stop giving you the WRONG DIRECTIONS. Your GPS system works...listen to it. Stop turning it off and asking people on the side of the road the direction you need to be headed...thats exactly how you get LOST!

Some people continue to turn their internal GPS system off and listen to so many people that it takes them months & years to figure out they went in the wrong direction and it might be too late to turn around. When you listen to other people and realize that you are complete off the road, you get that confused and hurt feeling of REGRET. That maybe you should of payed attention to your own roadmap instead of asking everyone else where you should go. You have that what if feeling lingering inside yourself wondering what could of happened if you just followed your own Intuition.

Your GPS system is on point. It sometimes malfuntions with your mind, but if you can get your thoughts & your heart/gut together and really listen to yourself, thats when your life will be on the right path. Now there are people in your life who can guide you better, but only if it is validated by your own thoughts. We all get that feeling inside of what is right & whats wrong. If someone says something to you that is in agreement in what you really feel-then keep going. Dont change your mind for someone else, they are not going where you are going!

Do not keep listening to everyone for the answers because in the long run, you will have to live with the REGRET not them. Nobody can feel what you feel, you are wired with your own internal guidance system so they cant tell you what is always right. What is right for you may not be right for them, its your feelings but most importantly YOUR LIFE. Stop conforming for others. Deep down you know where you need to be, so make a U-Turn or the RIGHT turn to get back to your life route.

LEARN: We are all authors of our own stories, so why are we letting other people write our autobiographies? Others people's opinion has nothing to do with your heart. Your heart is your compass, so follow it!

UNLOVEABLE

Are you an unloveable person? Is there an IceBox where your heart used to be? When someone loves you do you give them the “cold-shoulder”? Many people are just HARD people to love. No matter what a person does, they cannot receive love that is given to them.

I think our society has screwed our world’s definition of Love. Love is sometimes used as a bad word or only used correctly in certain movies, which can seem fake and “only-in-the-movies” is that gonna happen in our daily lives. Its hard because more and more everyday people feel like the do not know what real love is and what it feels like anymore.

People sometimes can compare love to their first relationship or their first heartbreak. When you first experience what loves feels like from someone other than a family member or friend its so liberating & its almost like the happiest you ever been. You smile more, you are more trusting, you are excited and life seems like it really worth living because you now know what love is and you have it! But this is when love is destroyed, when that energy of love has you in such a high state of happiness & its taken away from you due to a breakup then there is a heartbreak! Sometimes people hearts get broken so badly, they believe its never gonna be the same again and that maybe they do not want to experience love again in FEAR of losing it. So there are people who self-sabotage themselves and make things hard for others to love them.

People get into relationships expecting the worst, or when things get too good they will point out the bad just to justify how things aren’t going to work. People’s expectations are real low when it comes to love so when someone does love them it becomes rejection. So to protect themselves they reject and look for flaws & point out the negative? Or simply they just start thinking “I DON’T TRUST this person to love me properly” because they are premeditating to be disappointed in be loved.

Someone could show them all the love in the world they every wanted or prove to them that someone loves you to the same or higher magnitude than people in the past has, but its still a rejection there. They hold onto past hurt so if a person is giving them too much love or affection it gets cancelled out because they do not want to believe in it. They want something bad to happen so they can point out how love always disappoints them.

It’s a sad way of thinking. We were born to love & experience it. When we first fall in love its like we are born again looking at the world in a different light because it’s the best experience & feeling to ever have. When its taken from us, sometimes we are fearful to experience again so that we do not get teased and lose that feeling again. So instead of accepting & being open to love again, the rejection process takes over so that one doesn’t get their hopes up. Its that pride in some people that getting their hopes up is a bad thing. Read that again “Getting your hopes up”. Why wouldn’t someone what to have their hopes up…so you rather have your hopes down?!

This society molds us into believing we should have lower expectations and have our hopes down. Love is something we should never have lower expectations about and expect our hopes to be down in! We should embrace it and be happy to have it in our lives. If someone is showing us love and affection we should be so appreciative because some people take years to find someone that cares about them at all. We take people for granted; especially the ones that love us the most, because have a reverse way of thinking. We believe the people who do not care about us have our best interest and the ones who love us will hurt & disappoint us.

Open you eyes. Please stop rejecting love if it’s in your life. You were born to love and to experience it. Do not let some bad past experiences disturb your present & future. If you are receiving it look at it as a gift because there are so many people in the world who are no as fortunate to have people who care & love them. If someone loves you love back & be open to receive more love than that. Love is limitless so stop giving it boundaries!

Learn: Learn to love & accept love. Love is beautiful do not believe in the lies that love leads to heartbreak & disappointment. If you accept love in your life and be honest with what you feel then you can open your heart to what is real. You should run to love not run away from it. Give love another chance or you will miss out!

MEET MR.BACKPOCKET CHICK

So you have been introduced to Miss BackPocket Chick and know what goes through her mind, but lets not forget about the man in this equation. Mr.BackPocket Chick needs his own introduction and a little of his background to be clarified.

Who is Mr.BackPocket Chick? Well if you don't know Miss BackPocket Chick you might need to read this first to fully get to know this man. In my previous post I used the analogy that Mr.BackPocket Chick is the Frog that hasn't quite turned into Prince Charming yet.

Now since I am a female, I cannot go into the mind of Mr.BackPocket Chick like I did for Miss BackPocket Chick here. What I can do is explain some theories as of why he acts the way he does. The number #1 this Mr.BackPocket Chick is lacking is direction. That is his ultimate downfall. See men are logical creatures, suppose to be, but they do the most illogical things. Maybe he is thinking too much about his situation that causes him to be confused? I couldnt tell you honestly.

See what happens with Mr.BackPocket Chick is that he craves a relationship, he probably would one day love to be in a full committed one, but there is a mental block. It could be a past(or several) relationship that failed him, he doesn't feel his life is in order to properly have a good relationship, or it could be he is just simply still "playing the field". Miss BackPocket Chick can be doing everything right, but again the "what if" factors starts to play and he is most likely pondering how green the grass is over on the other side of the fence.

Another theory that could be making Mr.BackPocket Chick nervous is the fear of committment. That is right. He is just terrified of a real relationship. I honestly believe when men go from dating to actual becoming boyfriend & girlfriend he fears its marriage right around the corner. He sees the phobia of the wedding bells, and kids comes next, and that he might be forced to make a decision to be with this one girl for the rest of his life. So instead of making the relationship solid, he plays because he wants to make sure whoever he gives the title to that it might be "The One" he can call his wife one day. And Miss BackPocket Chick makes him nervous that she is good girl and all but is she The One?

That part is understandable to an extend. He rather be a Frog now, than turn into Prince Charming and Miss BackPocket Chick is the wrong girl he transformed for. But the extents ends here. Mr.BackPocket Chick is also, sadly to say, a selfish person. He wants everything to be perfect, the girl of his dreams to come out of a fairytale, she is flawless, she agrees with everything he says, likes everything he likes, she never nags , and when she wakes up in the morning her hair is in place with no crust in her eyes or morning breath. Yes that his Mr.BackPocket Chick fantasy girl, and sorry to say unless she is Sleeping Beauty that chick doesnt exist.

I say he is selfish because as much a Miss BackPocket Chick puts out for him, he doesn't do the same for her. She is expected to change her ways, while she must adapt to his ways. He has a complex view on life and how it should be for him, and Miss BackPocket Chick is probably asking for too much which aggrevates him sometimes. But let me make this clear...Mr.BackPocket Chick is not the VILLIAN. He is just misunderstood.

Mr.BackPocket Chick is not a bad guy at all. Mr. BackPocket Chick is a very lovable guy at times, otherwise why would Miss BackPocket Chick want a complete jerk? There is gotta be something she adores about him. I am going to tell you want it is. Miss BackPocket Chick adores everything that Mr.BackPocket Chick doesn't even realize. No matter how many times he mad her mad, she understands the good side of him. She sees the strong potential in a future with him, even if he doesn't see that potential in himself yet. Mr. BackPocket Chick might be going through a transistional period in his life right now that cause him to be a bit selfish and maybe not appreciate the good Miss BackPocket Chick puts out, because he is probably still trying to finding himself!

A message to Mr.BackPocket Chick:

Look I know you are confused about life. Its not very clear to you and you are unable to map out your life plan at the moment. You are a man but a man without a masterplan. You do things day by day and not realize your actions are affecting other people especially Miss BackPocket Chick. For everything you think you are going through she is supporting you whether you realize that or not. Whether you feel she is not the one or that you have other options, she has stuck by you and believes & see the potential in you. Its not nice to string her along.

Dont treat her like you wallet that is in your backpocket; you take it in and out of your pocket at your lesiure. She is a human being with strong emotions for you. She is not your sideline, your mistress, your play toy, she is the woman of your affection. You spend time with her, you must enjoy her otherwise she wouldn't be around in the first place. But here is the thing, if you are not ready for a commitment then do not do the things with her as if you are going in that direction. She believes the things you say and hope that one day you are going to coming around.She only wants the best for you and even if you cannot see yourself with her, appreciate what she has done for you. If you do see yourself with her, then do the right things and show her that she is not just a backpocket girl. She should be YOUR GIRL. You can't just have your cake and eat it too. She has her cake and shares it only with you.

You need time. Being the logical complex male creature that you are you need to think about it. What do you want in a woman? Are you looking for stability or are you still searching for more fish in the sea? Do you see yourself with Miss BackPocket Chick but want the freedom of other things until your ready? Know this, you will always get whatever you want when you seek it with a pure heart. Miss BackPocket Chick did everything with a pure heart for you and she deserves better than how you treat her. Everything happens for a reason, and its up to you to make your life solid in all areas in your life.

Your a Frog now, but the Prince Charming is in you. Whenever you are ready to evolve into the man you are suppose to be, you will have so much clarity in your life and everything you feared will all disappear. That is what being a man is about, knowing what you want & facing your fears. So whenever you leave your muddy swamp in search for a Princess, will you know where to look? Will she be easy to find? Will you go searching for a Princess that only appreciates you a Prince Charming and not as the Frog as your are now? Or will it be Miss BackPocket Chick aka Miss Paitently Waiting for you to see what has been in front of you all along? You need to ask yourself these questions. Don't wait too long...time isn't always on your side. Your a good guy, do good things, and do things with a good & pure heart.

LEARN (for both Mr. & Miss BackPocket Chick): Listen to your heart; even though it is on the left side, it is always right. Pay attention and what is meant to be will always find its way.

Song To Mr.BackPocket Chick From Miss BackPocket Chick:

I Am-Mary J.Blige

THE MIND OF A BACKPOCKET CHICK

****I just want to thank everyone who has been touched by my previous post of "The BackPocket Chick****

I am freely able to write and express myself very strongly on this subject because I have to admit I "was" a backpocket chick for the longest time. So I am doing the follow-up on the introduction of the BackPocket Chick and go into the mind of one. Most of what I am about to write next is coming from my own personal thought experiences & hope that this comes off relatable to others females who were also "BackPocket chicks".

So if you are not familiar yet on who is the BackPocket Chick please get aware of her here in which you might be surprised that you know this girl very well. She is the good girl who pretty much go hard for a guy who does not reciprocate the same passion she does for him. She is Miss Patiently Waiting for her Frog to turn into Prince Charming. She is not the alternative, she is the main objective of the guy's desire but she gets put into the mix of his confusion of his lifestyle and she wonders when will her man get his act together?

Miss BackPocket Chick is a lady that is usually the good girl. She goes out her way for her man, does things for him(and only him), she adores the ground this mans walks on, she is faithful to him, she is consistent with him, she does everything the perfect girlfriend would do but yet she is still not fully appreciated. She constently wonders what is it that she is doing wrong that is not making this guy take her 100% seriously.

Is she not pretty enough? Is she not doing enough? Has she upset him? Most importantly, is there another girl that has her man's attention? Hopefully that is not the case, because if that might be the case she does everything in her power to make sure her guy does not stray. She make sure that she doesnt pick petty arguements, she becomes tolerant of things she probably wasn't tolerant of before, she does things that makes him happy...and yet she is still coming up short? What is going on? Miss BackPocket Chick is completely devestated because she sees her Prince Charming right there ready to evolve into the man that he is suppose to be but still croaking like a Frog. Ribbit! Ribbit!

She is thinking "I am not the side-line chick. I am THE chick!". She spends alot of time & energy with her man, she is pretty happy with the fact that she has most of his attention & gets the quality time but there is still something missing. Her man seems to continuely do things to almost push her away. She either has to make a decision to not put up with his stupid foolishness or wait for him to come around. She puts up with his stupid foolishness. She always has to hear the same old speech from him "Im not ready" "I need my space right now" "Let me get myself together" "I dont know what I want right now". She heard it all too many times, and yet Miss BackPocket Chick is still waiting. Why is she waiting?What is wrong with her?

What is wrong with Miss BackPocket Chick is simply that she is in love with that man. She is head over heels, cloud 9 bliss, stop-the-traffic she found "The One" type of of love. She is ultimately doing everything in her power not to loose the love of her life. She is terrified one little wrong mistake can ruin everything she worked so hard to gain. She feels like her every move is reviewed under a microscope to him. She feels she cannot risk to show one little flaw or error because he will leave her. She is literally walking on eggshells to keep him around. Why would she want that type of love in the first place? Why would she always want to be with a man to always live in a world of paranoia just to keep him?

Love makes the BackPocket Chick to crazy things but most importantly she has is Faith. She might sound crazy, in others eyes some people believe well she is stupid to keep putting up with the same crap that another man would probably appreciate her better over, but its deeper than that. What most people fail to realize is the strength of the BackPocket Chick & her man's relationship. They have history, they have been through alot, and they might be in love. Its easier said than done just to try to move on. But again she has a strong faith in her relationship with that man that she is not willing to give up easily. She fears the moment she gives up, another woman will pick up where they left off and she was not gonna have that. To her is just NOT FAIR! She worked hard! She doesn't want anyone else, only him.

People have to understand as well the BackPocket Chick is a very smart & classy girl. She is what most men would love to "wife" one day and she is ultimately doing her best to show that man her full potential of lasting stability with her. There is something that he man told her that keeps her holding on. She has strong faith that even though he is confused now, that eventually he will come around and fully be stable with her. That is her #1 desire is a stable, lasting & loving 100% dedicated relationship with him with NO BOUNDARIES. She see the future with him very clear but he doesnt see that same vision right now.The BackPocket Chick has cried many days just wondering why isnt all of her hard work & dedication not being appreciated? Why wont he fully commit himself to her? What does she have to prove to him once and for all that she is "The One".

A little tip for anyone who is currently feeling like a BPC. Its not up to you to continue to convince Mr.Frog that you are "The One". That is his decision. Trust and believe you are doing a great job with him because if you wasn't he wouldn't of kept you around of as long as he did. You must be doing something right for him to continue to be a big part of his life. The problem with Mr.Frog is that he is not ready to be Mr.Prince Charming and kissing him a thousand times is not gonna make him evolve any quicker. Maybe he is the guy you always have dreamt of, the perfect man you have been waiting, your personal fairytale man come true, but unfortunatly you cannot rush your happy ending.

Mr.Frog is content right now being a frog. He doesn't see the value of become a human Prince and living a wonderful life with a great woman. He likes being in his muddy, damp, mucky enviroment and you trying to pursuade him that your grass is greener is evidently not working. What is happening is that you are removing yourself from your nice enviroment, and dealing with his undesirable living conditions in hopes of your patience will lead him to transform into Prince Charming. Its doesnt work that why. Mr.Frog has to turn into Prince Charming himself on his terms. Maybe you walking away from him, leaving his swampy & depressing habitat will show him that maybe where he is at isnt the best place to be. Maybe he will finally realize in your absence that being Mr.Frog sucks and Mr.Prince Charming is the better alternative and lifestyle of stability and happiness. Let him find that out and hopefully when he does turn into Mr.Prince Charming you will be his Princess and come back for you. Lets just hope by then you haven't kissed another frog that has already turned into Prince Charming quicker than he did. :-)

There is a pt.3 and it will be The Man of Ms.BackPocket Chick. Please stayed tuned to learn about him...

Song of the BackPocket Chick: Foolish by Ashanti

THE BACK POCKET CHICK : WHO IS SHE?

The topic I have been waiting to bring up for a long time! No this is not in a dictionary, but this chick does exist & I will explain who she is!

So what is a back pocket chick? Well first and foremost lets not confuse her with a jump-off, sideline, mistress, etc…she is not in that category. She actually the opposite. If we could come up with a adequate definition of a back pocket chick this is what it would be.

Back Pocket Chick: A woman who is acts and might be interpreted as the girlfriend of a male significant other, but without an actual title of the “girlfriend”. The guy usually treats her as such , doing everything with her but will not fully commit to a stable relationship with her.

She does everything that a normal couple would do such as spend a lot of quality time with her, might be in an exclusive sexual relationship that might be 100% monogamous, friends and family know of her, public displays of affection, and everything else you could think of that would constitutes a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So what is the problem?

The problem is that the GUY will not fully commit to her. It has nothing to do with he might be cheating on her (or maybe he is) but more to do with the actual concept of a long lasting relationship. That might scare the guy so he doesn’t get too attach with the terms and still has a bit of freedom with the commitment to her.

Here is a theory on why he keeps the back pocket chick around. He pretty much get to have his cake and indulge without even sharing any with the girl. Basically he loves the feeling of a relationship, he might even be in love with the girl very much and enjoy her company, but mentally the stress of the commitment leaves him to not want to make it solid. So he plays a bit.

He doesn’t want to be in a “relationship”, he isn’t ready, he doesn’t know what he wants right now…are all perfect excuses on why he doesn’t commit & keeps the back pocket chick. This works to his advantage because the back pocket chick does everything pretty much for the guy to prove she is “The One” or worthy of being a great girlfriend so its nothing but benefit’s the man will receive But this is also NOT an open relationship. They might have a routine of frequently breaking up and getting back together.

He doesn’t want to lose her or let anyone have her, because psychologically it is a RELATIONSHIP. Whether it’s a title or not it’s a relationship. He gets jealous if his “back pocket chick” has other guys, doesn’t want his chick do things like she is a single woman…pretty much he is selfish with this girl and he wants her all to himself.

The reason why she is a back pocket chick is because he like to pull her back and forth in his life at his leisure. He feels when he is ready to maybe settle down, stop being confused, and take a relationship with a girl seriously that if he realized his best option is his “back pocket chick” he believes she will still be around for him. That is the plan.

The back pocket chick has to wait around until he gets he stuff together and they will live happily ever after. This logic doesn’t sound logical at all does it? Why would a girl do this? Why would she do thing as if they are in a relationship but the man wont commit to her? Why is she being strung along?

Well I am going to write a pt.2 of the mind of a Back Pocket Chick Next…stay tuned.

DO YOU HAVE A BIG EGO?

What is an ego? Its seems to be the cool thing to have now and days. Its a larger than life version of yourself...but in reality an Ego is really a "performer". Are you performing with your Ego?

Definition of an Ego: an exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.

So we have people like Beyonce & Sasha Fierce who is blowing this "Ego" thing outta propotion. Lots of celebritities are making up these alter egos beside Beyonce, T.I. vs T.I.P, Jennifer Lopez & JLo, Eminem & Slim Shady, Puffy Daddy-P.Diddy-Diddy vs Sean Combs, even Miley Cyrius & Hannah Montana. So why do they do it? Because they are entertainers! They get paid to perform and entertain that is their job. Regular people are not suppose to have these alter ego or super sized Egos, then who are they performing for? The world? For free? For attention?

Yes its all comes down to people use their SUPEREGOS for ATTENTION. Everyone knows a couple people around them with this issues. Its an issues because what the person is trying to portray to the world that their life is so grand, super, great is really something beneath the surface they are trying to hide. So you know this person, he or she might be an extra loud person, always needs to be seen, brags alot, shows off, announces everything they do which is supposed to be recognized as an accomplishment, maybe flashy with cash, always cracking jokes, belittles others etc...you know your everyday pseduo-celebrity.Reality Check: It is not a good thing to have a BIG EGO!

With social media sites it make it easier for people to have even LARGER EGOS without even being in the public eye such as Twitter or Facebook where you can update your status constantly for the world to know a person's every thought process. In reality, people with large egos can become ANNOYING! Who are you trying to impress? Yourself or everyone? Are you really as important as you are trying to make yourself out to be?

See back to the issues with the Ego, because the person is trying to hide something. He/She is trying to fool the world that their life is A-Ok, Perfect, Better than everyone else but in reality there is a deeper problem. It could be loneliness, not feeling loved, financial issues, personal self-esteem issues, bored, social issues, etc...They have to put on a "show" because at the end of the day they are not accomplishing what they truly desire in their heart.

Sure they might have an auidence. The crowd is cheering them on, and maybe even have a couple of groupies to support their fan club, but the person with the "Big Ego" is not fulfilled. Do not be fooled. The Ego covers up the REAL YOU. Who are you? You are NOT your Ego! You made that up! You made up a person, exaggerated it and you can forget who you really are. Are you afraid that when you put your Ego away, that people will not like the REAL YOU. Are you boring in real life? Is your life pathetic without your ego in the forefront?

Here is the bottomline. An Ego is not something you need to hold onto. It can be fun for a second, maybe somewhat entertaining but in reality the Ego needs to be checked. Put your Ego in its place and tell it to calm down so that people can appreciate the REAL you instead of the FAKE & FABRICATED version of yourself.

Beyonce aka Sasha Fierce "Ego" video

Learn: There is a difference between being an outgoing, fun to be around person & someone who is having an Ego Trip. Learn to Humble yourself and just be yourself instead of doing thing for attention or what you think the world wants you to be. Work on making yourself better not your Ego better, because you cannot have growth of something that is a figment of your imagination.

DOES IT KILL YOU?

Love is so painful. Well it can be. As beautiful as the emotion of love can be it can cut right through you like a knife. Leaving you breathless, in despair, suffering as if your heart is broken. Life is meaningless and someone that you love so dearly is making your heart ache. Its killing you!!

Love is not meant to kill you! Yes it is the worst emotional pain one can go through because it almost feels like death itself. The person may not have died, but if they are out of your life you mourn them like they are dead. You may feel like everyday you are alive without them that you are slowin dying because they are no longer near you. Why would you wanna live without love? Its like taking candy from a baby...taking love from the lover. But real love is not suppose to make you feel like this. Its suppose to be beautiful, but things doesnt always go according to plan.

You fall in love. You love each other. Everything is all good until someone rejects the processes and sort of ends it without the other one not being ready. Someone hurts the other one, and in most cases with no regaurd on the pain that it will scar them with. Its almost like shooting the person in the heart, to watch them bleed as suffer a little, and them walk away like it never happened. That is how heartbreak feels right? Like the other person has no remorse and they literally have injured you and walked away. Worst feeling in the world.

When you heart is "broken" you feel like it will never be repaired by anyone else but the one who broke it. It is not as simple as supergluing it back together. The bad thing is that most of the time we have to repair our own heart and hope that it will work as good as new, so when love finds us again we are able to remember how good it felt. But sometimes it leave scars and bruises and love is hard to obtain again...

But you are alive. Love has not killed you! Sure it is painful, the recovery process is even more painful. But you cannot die of a brokenheart. Its really interesting that even after someone has injured our heart, left us with our hearts open-wide and bleeding love for them and turn their backs on us, that we will still LOVE them as if they didnt do this to us. The power of love doesnt die! So whether you can move on from the person who initally broke your heart, or maybe somewhere down the line find a way to make it work with that person...love still exsist. It hasnt kill you and it wont kill you!

I wrote this blog because of 3 things that in life we will all learn. We are gonna have to live, to experience love and of course to LEARN by it. When you live, you love, with love you learn. Life is Love, Love is Learning. Get it? Live. Love. Learn.

LEARN: Love isnt something that can end your life. It is painful to say the least but in a twisted way it actually makes you stronger. Once your heart has been injured & then it heals, it you allow it to heal properly love can return in your life in a benefical way. Just make sure who you expose your heart to handles it with care, because love is not suppose to be painful.

Melanie Fiona - It Kills Me

ATTRACTION DISSATISFACTION?

Ok so lets speak some truths. Us as human beings we base things on first impressions. Before you even speak to a person, what do you notice? Its always the PHYSICAL APPERRANCE and this is the main thing that can get people confused what they want in a relationship. Let me explain.

So when one is seeking a mate, its always usually based on attraction. There is nothing wrong with that because again as humans we are programmed sometimes to go off of looks first. And that is fine and everything but then we as people need to not give credit to people when credit is not due. Just because someone "looks good" to you does not mean you give them a pass.

Have you ever held onto someone who you know was treating you wrong, but you didnt want to break up because they were physically attractive to you? You love looking at them, and because "they looked good" you didnt want to break up? How about giving them chance after chance knowing good and well they do not deserve another change. Have you ever asked yourself if this person wasn't so attractive would you keep tolerating their nonsense? Just because theyare cute you are gonna keep letting them get away with murder??!

I think we not only get blinded by love, we get blinded by looks. In my post BUTTERFACE vs. BUTTERHEART was about I shed light on people who may be attactive but doesnt have good heart vs someone who isnt as attractive but with a heart of gold. If you were dating someone slightly not as attractive as you prefer it would be easier for one to dismiss them and not give as many chances, because subconciously you feel they may not be to "your standards" and it would be easier for you to get rid of them.

It would be so much easier if people's physical attraction were based on their heart & sincerity. If a person has a nasty attitude and are selfish & mean, then they should have an unattractive look to match their personality. Same with a person with a sincere heart, sweet, giving nice personality should be attactive people. Unfortunately it doesnt work that way so we have to see past the physical to get to know the real them.

The real them is not their "physical apperance". Just because they look good doesnt mean they are a good person. Again you should not hold onto a person just because you love looking at them and that they are sexy to you. Looks fade after time, so if a person's looks are decieving you then you need to see past that and see the truth.

The truth comes with action. Forget how cute, sexy, attractive a person looks to you...pay attention to the actions and how they make you feel. Do you feel good because your with an attractive person or do you feel good because this person shows you genuinely how much they care about you. That is what matters.

The truth is after awhile, a person's attraction based on their actions can lead you to dissatisfaction with them. Do not tell yourself lies that this wonderful looking god/godess is not doing wrong when they clearly are, you need to look past their pretty face. Their looks have nothing to do with them, that is genetics from their parents so credit is not due to them for that. What credit is due is when they are a nice person genuninely and they treat you good. Now if they have a good face with a matching good spirit then you hit the JACKPOT. Other than that, if this attractive person has unattractive qualities...you might need to re-evaulate some things.

Learn: Looks are decieving. Look at a person's spirit rather than their face to judge their character. Their insides tells more truths than their genetics, so do not let good genes blind you and get you hurt in the long run.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Are you pursuing happiness? If you are searching for happiness that is your problem right there! You are not suppose to search for something that is within you!

People say it all the time "I just wanna be happy" "where can I find real happiness" "I hope I find happiness". The funny thing is that its not too far and away that you can be happy. So ask yourself this question "Why am I not happy"?

Most people response could be
1.Because I am unemployed
2.Because I have financial issues
3.Because I have relationship issues
4.Because I am lonely

and so on and so on...so here is the other problem. If any of those things are making you unhappy what is gonna happen if you do fixes thoses isses? If you get a job is that going to automatically make you "happy"? If you fix your financial issues is that gonna make you "happy"? If you finally have the perfect relationship and have lots of friends and people around you is that gonna fulfill your happiness void?

If you said yes to any of those questions I feel very sorry for you. The reason I say that because those are considered minor issues that if you are not happy before you get those things then how are you gonna be really happy when you do get them. If you get a job that is suppose to boost your happiness. If you have money to pay your bills, that makes you stable and keeps your happiness at bay with less stress. If you have a great relationship it is only gonna work in the first place if you are happy prior to meeting your mate, nobody wants to date someone who is depressed and not happy with themselves. Same with having friends and people around you.

Honestly I think the people who are "pursuing happiness" it probably takes a lot to make them happy. Again the little things does not make them happy but it has to be something BIG to really put a smile on their face, and again that is sad. So many people are so unappreciative of the little things that can make them happy so they are pursuing a BIG BREAK DREAM and so the rest of their life is not as fulfilling because it is not achieved yet.

Here is a secret that I am still learning. Appreciate the small things in life now that make you happy so that when you really get something that makes you happy in a big way you can feel it all around you stronger. You cant take things for granted now, complain about what you dont have because there is so much to be happy about. For example seeing a little kid laugh, watching something that makes you happy/laugh, reading a good book, enjoying beautiful weather, eating your favorite food, etc...That might sound like some lame stuff to say but again you might be one of those people who are HARD to make and keep happy.

Now being stressed out in certain situations can make happiness hard to obtain sometimes, but that doesnt mean it not available. Happiness doesnt mean you get your way all the time and life is perfect and if that is what your looking for, you will be looking for a lifetime disappointed. Happiness is what you make it, so stop being difficult and go have it already! Its right there! Easy access inside of you.


**Oh and you are the only one who can get it for you, it is not someone else responsibility to make YOU happy.***


Video: Mary J Blige- Be Happy


Learn: Happiness is not something you have to "find" its a way of life. Happiness is the easiest thing in life to obtain but don't make it hard to have when it is right under your nose.

Say this: The best things in life are not only free, the best things in life lives inside of me.

TIRED OF FIGHTING

Relationship, love, bliss, and fights. Yes that is what it comes down to sometimes in a cycle...can the fighting end?

Now why do couples fight? Duh because people DO NOT COMMUNICATE PROPERLY! Someone is bottling their emotions, someone is expelling their emotions too much, there is aggression & frustration because someone in the relationship is not satified. Someone has to be right or someone has to be wrong, but that shouldn't be the case.

The issue is lack of listening and compassion for the other person. One person might be really reaching out to their partner, the partner have their own agenda and maybe doesnt see the other person's point of view like they should. The hardest part of a relationship is to continue to UNDERSTAND one another.

Fighting is normal in relationships. Sometimes its neccessary because it gets out a problem that hasn't been solves. But the problem persist if the couple does not come up with a lasting solution. Every problem equals a solution! A solution is not a screaming match. A solution is not ignoring the problem. A solution is COMPROMISING with your partner and listening and doing things so that this same issue doesnt arise again.

Remember its a relationship...and when it is a union it is no longer and just YOU it is about the BOTH OF YOU. Know that you will not always see eye to eye, that isn't the formula of a perfect relationship. The formula for a good, long-lasting relationship is CONSISTENCY and the value that when an issues arised the both of you can SOLVE it together.

Learn: To put the boxing gloves down in your relationship. You dont have to come to blows to get your point across. Work on any problems with a solution and their will be less fighting matches in the future. Dont knock your relationship out!

GET IT TOGETHER SOONER THAN LATER

This is specifically for the men. This is moreso for men over the age of 21. I have news for you and please listen closely: Get it together sooner than later!

This is not a male bashing post at all. Its actually some motivation because I am starting to see that alot of "men" are not motivated and believe that have all the time in the world to get their lives together...but they do not. Yes when you are young you are suppose to be confuse and unaware of what is ahead of you...but when you get to a certain point in your life MEN NEED TO START PLANNING FOR THEIR FUTURE.

This is just an observation of mine, but some men just seem like they are continuing to drag their feet, with no direction, just going where the wind blows and life is literally passing them by. They wake up and do the same routine everyday with not plans for a future for tomorrow. Its like life is just there, and they are just in it. That is truly sad because that is not what life is about!

Goals are made to be accomplished, but there is nothing to accomplished if there are NO GOALS. Plan to succeed...it does not fall in your lap. Stop making excuses for why you can't be a better MAN! A man is strong, confident, and know in order to be ahead of the pack he must PUSH himself to the top and prove himself that he is QUALITY and fit to achieve what he desires.

I am observing a bunch of laziness. I am also obseving that this menality forms in groups so its more likely a man will be less motivated to achieve his highest potential if all of his friends and associations are in the same situation. Living just to survive is NOT living. Live to your HIGHEST POTENTIAL and do not stop until you have recieve the benefits that you believe you truly deserve. Stop thinking that you have plenty of time to get it together in the future, because work workings in the present is YOUR FUTURE. You will wake up several years from now disappointed and your shortcomings because you rather have played with what you wanted and didnt seek after what you needed.

If you put you mind to this way of thinking, then sooner than later you will stop being confused and start being a TRUE MAN.

Please men find yourself sooner than later...

Learn: The struggle of the male to learn to listen to and respect his own intuitive, inner prompting is the greatest challenge of all. His conditioning has been so powerful that it has all but destroyed his ability to be self-aware. - Herb Goldberg

PULL THE TRIGGER (ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP)

Disclaimer: Before you read further...I am not talking in the literal sense! This is strictly a metaphorical post so do not go get an actual gun and do something stupid! Read between the lines please...

Ok I know another Rihanna inspired post but this one is a deep one and you can take it how u desire (but again read the disclaimer at the top). So she has a song called "Russian Roulette" and at first I didnt quite understand where she was going with this but now it makes so much sense. People on a regular basis are playing Russian Roulette with their relationships. Its a game...a very dangerous game that can be fatal if it goes too far.

Russian Roulette definition: a stunt in which you spin the cylinder of a revolver that is loaded with only one bullet and then point the muzzle at your head and pull the trigger.

Its a sick, twisted game but this is what people are doing with their relationships everyday. People are dying everyday in their relationships and its not even covered on the news...People are taking a gun with a single bullet and pointing it at their heads hoping their relationship is still safe. One's heart is beating and they are praying that the love is not going to end in this matter. People know its a bad situation, a situation in which if you keep playing long enough the fate is going to be a BAD one.

Its self infliction, its dangerous, it is borderline suicide!! But yet everyone keeps playing! The reasons people keep playing is because obvious its still standing. The bullet in the relationship is always dodged and everything seems to be okay...until its time to play again. Once a person starts to play Russian Roulette again, the pressure is on hoping that once again the bullet will not be released and it will be the last time you with that person again. But what will happen if you do pull that trigger and its ALL OVER??

Is that what you want? Do you want it to be all over secretly...or are you holding on and praying that you will keep dodging this bullet. That you will always be lucky and that this situation will never be FATAL. But it will...and you know it. Think about it...its a bullet in a gun! While that bullet is in that gun...there is a HIGH possiblity this is not going to last. This game will eventually hurt you...and the more you play, the higher the odds will be that things will DESTRUCT and it will not be pretty.

The only way you can save yourself and the relationship now is to change the game. If there is no bullets in the gun..then there is no danger right? Exactly! for the relationship to be healthy and to survive you need to remove all bullets out of a gun. A loaded gun in a relationship is playing Russian Roulette and is a scary gamble. Do you like to scare yourself? Do you like to be in fear with your heart beating out of your chest?! Is that your solution to hold your breath, close your eyes, count, and pray for the best?

If you are gonna do all of that just pull the trigger RIGHT NOW! Just pull it! And when you pull it, pull it in CONFIDENCE and if you make it out of it alive you and your partner needs to remove the bullets and never play this game again! It should be over and move on and play a less fatal game...otherwise be prepared for your ultimate desmised. Remember you've been warned and you did it to YOURSELF if you do not make it.

Learn: If you are playing a game of Russian Roulette know thatyou put yourself in this situation. You can walk away and choose not to play anymore, or you pull the trigger and hope you make it out alive. Make your decision wisely, because this game is FATAL and also remember your the one who gets hurt in the end while your partner watches you suffer.

Rihanna- Russian Roulette (offical video)

WHY GOOD GIRLS GO BAD!!!

Every bad girl was initial a good girl. So what exactly makes a girl girl go bad? Bad people and situations of course!

Most girls grow up like sugar & spice & everything nice. We are precious and sweet and so innocent & angelic. We are suppose to be "pure" and pretty much almost as untouchable as the Virgin Mary herself. We grow up playing with Barbie dolls & dressing up to one day to grow up to be beautiful woman...hopefully Beautiful "Good" Women. But as well get older things can take a left if lead in the wrong path.

So we grow up into adolescence some of the females are still pure and innoncent-like and good girls. We get a little older and might be exposed to bad people or bad situation that might taint the good girl's image. They might try to be a good girl, but then someone show her some "bad" things. Someone might break this "good girl" heart. Someone screwed this good girl too many times!!!! The Good girl also starts to finish last and might want to reconsider being on the "Good Girl List" . Then she goes HARD!

The once sweet, nice, good girl turn bad because someone didnt respect her as a "good girl". The Good girl got ran over and misused. The good girl was ignored while all the BAD GIRL reaped the benefits of what the good girls lacks. She doesn't pain easily, she has a hard exterior and has an attitude that you can't touch her because SHE is in CONTROL! She is tired of playing "nice" and lives life under different rules & standards because she gets a different kind of respect. Rihanna is of course a great example of this no need to go into details...

But when a good girl is gone is she gone forever? Possibly...possibly not. Most good girl do tread bad girl terroritory because they want to feel what it is like on the other side. Is she respected more? Is she more dominate? Is she getting everything she wants? Yes maybe temporarily...

Yes I am not gonna lie, I have a bad girl side sometimes. But I am FOREVER a good girl. Not because I want to portray and sweet and innocent image, but because in my opinion the good girl will finish and the bad girl will not. yes even if we finish LAST we will finish, while the BAD girl will always struggle for temporarily happiness instead of lasting happiness. She will settle for what she think she is in control of...but in reality things are controlling her for self descruction. You can only be "bad" for so long and then of course BAD things are gonna start happening. That is to be expected...just as if you are a good girl, GOOD things will happen.

So yes good girls can be bad, but play it as a role not a solution. It shouldn't be her entire being because in the long-run it really isnt cute. I think guys prefer to wife a good woman than a bad one. They are more trustworthy.

Learn: Good girls have more of a value than a bad girl will ever have. But good girls can be bad sometimes, just as long as it is for a short-term. Good girls will always finish, even if it is last!

Rihanna feat.Jeezy - "Hard"

ARE YOU GETTING TOXIC ADVICE?

Every now and them of course you want to hear advice from people. You want to hear the opinion of someone other than yourself to make sure tha you are doing the right thing or is it YOU with the problem but I think sometimes we might be getting TOXIC ADVICE.

This is a reason why I am a private person. Not because I think I am better than anyone or that my life is just so EXCULSIVE that I do not want people to know my buisness(well I kinda dont) but the main reason is because most people will give you the most negative advice to your situation. I dont care if it is your best friend, your mother or your father some of the closest people can give you the most TOXIC information but sadly enough they do not realize their words are like the Swine Flu.

I am not saying that the people you go to for advice do not care about your best interested because I am sure they do, but I am saying for the most part people give such negative & toxic advise because in reality we live in a TOXIC world and they are probably giving you some advice based some thing from their toxic past. I think most people rather tell you the negative aspect of something rather than the positive aspect of something not really to hurt you, bur so that you dont get you hopes up.

Most people want you to expect the worst of a situation and the advice people give you might be on the negative side to prepare you and to help you not anticipate the disappointment of the outcome of a not so positive situation. But I always think that is so backwards. Why not give someone helpful & positvie advice? If you see someone is bummed about a certain situation that they are clearly trying to seek instead of give the worst solution, give them an uplifting one? Now I know in certain situation a person will need to be brought back to life if they are clearly doing something stupid or they are setting themselves up for failure...but still give them a solution that will be helpful & benefical rather than the one that is gonna keep them being in the same situation months from now or repeating it in the future.

We do seek the people closest to us because we feel we can trust them and open up to people who we believe knows us best. But look at it from this point of view. If you are having a financial problem & seeking advice from someone...do they have GREAT financial stability for offer advice or are the semi-making it like you? Or the most common advice are about relationship so are you asking advice from a single person or a person who's had several messed up relationships themselves, a newly divorced person, or does this person also have dsyfunction in their relationship in which they probably need to take their own advice?

Look at the big picture people! I am no way or shape saying DO NOT take advice from anyone. I am saying be CAUTIOUS! Listen and take things with a grain of salt because you know your situation inside and out and some people only hear the parts (which in most cases are just the negative parts and not even the whole story 360) that you tell them. The best advice is sometimes your own heartfilled advices from within you. We are all born with intuition and feelings that trigger something. When you are around a person do you feel good most of the time when your around them or is it alway something negative? Your spirit knows better than you so you know internally how you feel about a situation whether you distribute the negative of a situation to a person...what is the reality?

Learn: Look within yourself first for the answers. Its is okay to get a second opinion from a close person in your life but your opinion of the situation should be the 1st thing that matters. Follow your gut feeling and truely evaluate the situation from your eyes and not by someone else opinions because they can only hear and not SEE what you see. Figure out what you feel is equivelant to what is real...no one can tell you that but YOURSELF.

SELFISH= SELF HATE

I have come to realize that majority of problems in the world is due to selfishness! People are so focused on ME ME ME and forget that its about WE!

Yuo have issues. Lets hear whats wrong with you. What do you want? What makes you happy? How can you get such and such? And that is all good but along the way on to your "success journey" to getting everything YOU want their are people who do look to you for help. God designed it this way. The test in the world is not how can YOU succeed in life, but how can you help yourself & others to reach a great destination together.

If someone has a problem do you listen or do you tune them out because you have your own issues. But when you have an issue do you reach out to other people to be heard? Do you expect someone to just help you but you can not help others when in need. I know some many people who are the GIVERS...the ones who are always their for friends, family, co-workers, associates and do the right thing to help others--but most people like this never get the same thing in return.

Alot of people reach out for help and its sad that the people who we ask for a helping hand be the main ones just staring with no helpful solution or turn their backs. Now I know its not possible to help everybody in need but when you are capable of helping and it is not going to take away from you to assist someone then you should. Selfishness is always a choice...where the person doesn't see the benefit of helping someone else out. The question in this person head is "What is this going to do for me? What do I get out of doing this?" That is just evil thinking...

I am on a journey in my life (you gonna hear me talk about journeys alot) where I don't like being selfish. Now if it is a financial situation now we might have some problems not because I am selfish but look I really do not have it to give in for myself...can't be selfish to myself now.
Give when you can and do not look for anything in return because when you do it will come back to haunt you when you are in need. You never know the person you helped one day maybe be the person that helps you in the future.

Learn: To not be selfish. You was not born in a world all by yourself & you will definitely not succeed all by yourself. To give is to live!

How Shallow R U? : Butterface vs Butterheart

People are so shallow...you need to answer this question to check your shallowness. I know you heard of the term "butterface" : meaning everything looks good "but her face". But what about someone where everything looks good "but her heart"?

Makes you think now huh? Would you rather be with someone who looks good everywhere face, body, the whole package but their heart is messed up or would you rather date someone who isn't as physically atrractive as you would like as far as looks but their heart was on point "butterface"?

I came up with this "butterheart" ordeal last night before I went to sleep. I do not know why "butterface" was in my head --- but something told me to flip it and go what about a person's heart? I think a lot of people (maybe including myself sometimes) we rather date Mr. or Miss Butterheart instead of Mr. or Miss Butterface. Yes the term "butterface" was a funny childhood joke when your young but the "Butterface" person could be the person who would treat you right and have a great relationship with.

I believe Mr. & Miss Butterheart gets too much credit. Yes they are beautiful on the outside, they are so cute, fine or whatever but when it gets down to serious stuff such as a stable relationship, can you trust them, are they a good person on the inside-- they are not very good with that. Mr. & Miss Butterheart knows they are cute, they use people, they are selfish, they could care less about hurting someone else's feelings, all because their looks have been put on a pedastal for so long that they thinkthey can get away with acting this way.

Mr. & Miss Butterface might be the complete opposite. They don't have to be "ugly" but traditionally I guess their looks arent as "striking" or "modelesque"...probably has a normal look to them or maybe slightly unattractive to some but guess what: They have a HUGE heart. These are the people who yes as a society they may not be qualified to enter a beauty pagent or model in magazine...or they probably do not get hit on often but when you get to know them all of that doesnt matter. Their PERSONALITY shines, and their caring & giving heart makes them a BEAUTIFUL person that comes from the inside...not something that was genetically given to them. People would turn down this person for shallow reasons and rather be with Mr. or Miss Butterheart to heart their heart in the long run.

Now I know you probably wanna know which one do I consider myself as...am I a "butterface" or "butterheart". To be honest with you most people based on the looks department and WITHOUT knowing me would probably place me in the "butterheart" category. I am not trying to be concieted but I'm just being honest but I am definitely not a BUTTERHEART. I guess I can relate to Miss Butterface as far as the qualities (but I am not a butterface LOL). But seriously I think I am a person who is considered by most BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE but I know I am more than just my outside apperance and I am definitely way more BEAUTIFUL on the inside.

I know that sounds cliche but I am telling the truth. I do not live my life for my looks. I am appreciative that others can compliment me on something that I had no control over (Thanks God) but what I do have control over is my HEART and I am proud of that the most. Some people like to get over on their looks...I dont. I look at it like this...I can lose everything today in a freak accident and my looks can diminish but will I have a UGLY face & and UGLY HEART too? Absolutely not!

Take from this post that yes the human species are pre-wired to look for a potential mate based on looks because genetically we are programmed to do so for reproduction, but try to be attracted to someone heart and not just their face...the FACE fades the Heart doesn't.

Learn: Don't date someone who's heart is melted like butter in the microwave..a Butterheart is useless in the longrun. Review someone's soul & heart for it's good intent because dating for shallow reasons only is going to hurt you in the end...Dont date an ugly heart for the sake of a cute face.

KILLING TIME

Life is all about time. Time tests you and all you can do is be patient and wait...but wait for what? Your blessing.

I am guilty of this I always say I am fighting the battle with impatience and I always want things my way & NOW! We as people get so frustrated because there are thing we want that we do NOT instantly get...thus us being agiated and upset. We are the NOW network and you can have all the money in the world and will still not be able to get what you want because that is not life.

Life is about how long you can wait to get what you desire. I believe life is set up for you to continue to wait until you do recieve what your heart desire in order for us to appreciate it more. We as people can be so unappreciative if we always get what we want as soon as we want it. We take advantage and abuse what is easily given to us and life has a funny way of taking away things so that we can HUMBLE ourselves again and really figure out what we want and if we DESERVE what we desire.

So what do you do in the meantime...Kill time? Kill time doesnt mean WASTE time and be unproductive. It means really look deep at your situation and feel what you want. Do things that might get you closer to your goals and reflect on YOURSELF. Most people issues in this world is either money or relationship problems, but the real problem can be within yourself so do things that will make YOU a better person.

Again stop worry about what you DONT want in your life and worry about what you DO want. Do things that make you happy that passes time but also promotes growth for yourself. While you are killing time and not thinking about what is "missing" in your life the more other opportunties come along for the better.

Dwelling and dwelling on the negative aspect of your situation is only repelling what you want. Doing destructive things is only sabatoging what you want. DO NOT force or do anything prematurely or things that you might regret later for the sake of "killing time". Kill time and have patience that what you truely want and desire is just around the corner waiting for you.

One of my favorite songs by the ORIGINAL Destiny's Child inspired this post.



LEARN: Time is on your side if you let it. Be patient & wait for your beautiful blessing around the corner. Kill time by being positive & do things that will ultimately get you to the place you need to be but it starts from within.

LOVE LETTER TO MY SON

Disclaimer: This little boy is not my son. I am not pregnant, I don't have any kids of my own nor am I planning to have a child in the near future. This is a love letter to my unborn, un-conceived son in which I want to dedicate this to. Enjoy.

Dear Son,

This is your perfectly imperfect mother writing you this letter to let you know some things in hopes it will shed some light on you while you take this incredible journey on this place we call Earth. First and foremost I am writing you this letter before you are born or conceived for a reason.

I am writing you from a young woman's perspective. I am learning as I go along the way in hopes of by the time you read this I am a much strong, wiser, and better person. Life there are so many trials and tribulations, that there are things you cannot even read in book or learn in school to find out. Most of our hardest trials are things we have to go through based on experience, to which is why I am writing this to prepare you early...because there are some things I may not ever be able to teach you-but I hope this message will be instilled in you and give you better guidance along the way.

I want to let you know that I am doing my best to make sure you have everything you need before you even arrive here. I just recently received my Bachelors of Arts Degree and I am hoping to be working in my field very soon to be able to provide and give you a much better life than I had. I hope you never want or need for anything (but letting you know now I will not be making you a "spoiled brat"). I want to make sure you have a great childhood and to not be in a dysfunctional/hostile/uncomfortable environment.

With saying that I am being very cautious of what I do and how I play my cards in life. As I am writing this, you are not here now, but I always think about my future and my legacy to not mess of my foundation because one day you are going to have to carry it. I want our foundation to be strong, so that by the time you are old enough you will be able to keep the tradition going. I am not going to raise you to be in this world to be lost & confused like a lot of men are today. I have no idea what is going on, but I promise you I will make sure that you will not be a "statistic" and that you will have a strong male role model in your life so that you can see your example from the START.

One thing that I am not going to be able to do is raise you to be "a man" because unfortunately I cannot do that. That is something another man is going to have to show you and that man will be YOUR FATHER. There are so many single mothers out there who are raising their son's and teaching them that they are the mother & the father...I am sorry but I cannot do that. That is not my job. God made a man and a woman for a reason. God made it to where it takes a man and a woman to make a child, and it is going to take a man and a woman to raise you. But your father is going to raise you to be a MAN.

I know that your father is going to be a strong man. I will make sure of that. You father is going to be responsible, with a good head on his shoulders, and a leader to make sure that you can look up to him. You will need your father just like I needed mine. Your grandfather is a strong, black man and I am so grateful to have him as my father and I want you to feel the same way about your Dad. You wont ever have to resent your father, because he will be there. I promise my goal is to make sure you grow up in a loving two-parent home, just like me, because that is what you DESERVE.

I want you to grow up a be a "good man". I refuse to raise a "heart breaker". I want you to be a gentleman and to always treat woman with respect. You have aunts, grandmothers, female cousins, and maybe a sister so on my end I am going to make sure you know the rules on how to treat a female. There are men who mother's didn't instill those values, who didn't speak to their son's from a woman's point of view and I will make sure it happens because that is MY JOB. You are going to date one day and go through your own relationship fiascoes like I did, but regardless you will be a respectful to women. We are the ones who have to deliver life into this world and the least you can do is to treat woman like ladies and not like "disposable objects". Be better than that.

You are going to be apart of a strong legacy. You will always be surrounded by family and lots of love. On my side of the family, you will have so many cousins, uncles, aunts, etc...you will always have family around you. We are we close, tight knit, and its not perfect but you will love it. I want to make sure within your immediate family that there are always traditions that you will always remember, as if to almost mimick the Cosby Family(but better).

I want you to feel that you can always come to me or your father for advice. I want you to know what love feels like starting from the home. You are not going to have to run the street seeking the answers because you don't have to. I want you to be one of the fortunate people to say that you were able to grow up with your parents and live the American Dream. I want you to grow up knowing that you had smart, goal-oriented parents that worked hard to get what was necessary so that you grew up happy & well-rounded. I am speaking into existence that you will be a great asset to society, not a problem. You do not have to be Barack Obama to make a difference, you can be better if you wanted to.

I want to raise a strong man. That is you. You will have alot of my qualities and as well as your strong-minded father. You are loved before you were born, before you were given a name, before you were even thought about. Love is knowing that I am doing what I have to do NOW to make sure I can alway put a smile on your face in the FUTURE. I am trying my best even as we speak, I am trying. I made mistakes, and I will probably makes some even raising you but just know that the POWER OF LOVE is the best thing I want to teach you and show you.

I want to make you proud. I want to do the right thing because my actions are your future. I have to remember that. I pray and hope God delievers you in my life when I will be able to manifest these desires before I am able to give them to you. You will be born with love and hopefully by the time you read this that everything I am hoping comes true. I Love You.

Love your perfectly imperect mother,

K.Durham